Learning to say no

KIRAN ADHIKARI

I grew up in the countryside as an energetic, helpful and obedient child. I was taught to say “Yes” to a lot of things rather than a “No.” I remember saying a no to only those foods that I really did not like since my childhood.

Other than that I have always compelled myself to come in terms with my family and friends as I am afraid of hurting their feelings. Thus, I got a tag of being “easy going” as I never objected to whatever I was asked to do. But lately, I have realized that I have spent lots of time and energy in doing things for others and not caring about my personal needs.

Many times, we are unwilling to say a “No” to make others happy and drag ourselves into stressful situations. This often allows people to take advantage of us, and we are bound to do something that we cannot do with a willing heart.

I usually end up chatting with my friends till 12 am, knowing that I have loads of assignment to complete and reach class by 7am. I end up lending cash to my friends, knowing that I myself will not be left with any pocket money. I end up attending unnecessary gatherings and meetings, despite hating being among crowds.

I end up going out for a premature date, knowing I will make a mess out of it. It’s simply because I cannot say “No.”

At times, I wish I had the guts to say “No” to whatever I felt was wrong or what I did not like doing. Maybe I felt too responsible towards others as I was afraid to disappoint them. My easy going nature has been cause for my unhappiness and downfall on many occasions.

I thought I was a selfish individual when I did not help others and never cared for what I really wanted in life. But now I doubt if is it really important to go with “Please everyone around you” mentality? Is personal happiness secondary to happiness of others? Thus, what I think is we have to admit that being unable to say “No” and always saying “Yes” is a problem in itself.

Lately, I have started learning to say “No.” I have realized that saying “No” does not make a person selfish.

Nowadays, I do not rush to decide whether to agree or disagree if someone asks for a favor out of me. I put a fence around the things that are important to me and try to figure out which things are to be dealt within the fence or outside. I have realized till when I remain honest to myself, a simple “No” does not create havoc in my personal and professional life.

And a “No” often helps me to realize my self-esteem.

Sometimes I feel guilty of saying “No”, but what else makes us glad other than following

our own heart.