Still pals after break-up? Leave the past behind‚ start a new life

HIMALAYAN NEWS SERVICE

Yes, it is quite hard to bear the pain of rejection and break-up in life. We know that most relationships are based on friendship. During break-up, a couple can’t cooperate with each other. The reasons for break-up are different for every couple. Due to many causes the foundation of friendship also disintegrates. One can think he can keep his connection to the same person as ‘just a friend’ even after the break-up but the reality is that the emotions of friendship are nil and that the title ‘just a friend’ is actually meaningless.

— Mahesh Kush,

Syanobharyang, Kathmandu

n It is one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it’s another to think that yours is the only path. My feeling is that if love starts from friendship, though it may be difficult in the beginning, in the end it is very beautiful, because you never miss anything. If from the beginning a friendship can remain a friendship, it will go deeper; it will not go higher...

My best friend is the one I love, but our past will not let us be friends anymore because humans have memories and it

cannot fade.

— Sandeh Chapagain

n People stay with each other because of simple silly reasons, which cannot last forever. People become blind in a relationship for their short-term needs. Life is not a short journey, so no doubt, break-up is the ultimate truth. Weak hearted people may take decisions like suicide, drug addiction but time brings sympathy to all. After some time a broken-up couple can become ‘good friends’ because maturity leads their life ahead. People realise that decisions in the primitive stages were not as good as the current situation.

— Srijana Dhakal Masbar, Pokhara-7

n I don’t agree with the idea of being friends with him/her. It is too difficult to deal with the situation after the break-up but once you have healed, why should you relapse into your condition? I was also in love when I was 16 but she broke up with me. I was too innocent. In fact, she was my first love. I was so distressed. The idea of being friends with her was hard to digest because I could never even meet her. Whenever I met her I used to get depressed remembering the time spent with her. This hampered my studies as well. In fact, there will not be any possibility of a patch up. So being friends with someone whom you have broken up with will complicate everything.

— Bibek Kandel, St Xavier’s College, Kathmandu

n People spend time together and share each other’s feelings. We fully trust our better halves, as they become the sole reason for our existence. Breaking up with them is difficult to deal with. But I believe that love is also a form of friendship, so those who we know so dearly can be our good friends. Forgetting the past, we can carry on as friends. If we bear the feeling of revenge or some negativity, then we ourselves will be at loss. As there will be a close attachment between us, there will be a good understanding too. Thus, for progress and prosperity, one should have patience and positive attitude.

— Anonymous

n Falling in love and breaking-up is very painful. The memory starts haunting you. I don’t think we can be friends with the person who we were once in love with. It will be very problematic to deal with all the circumstances and talk with that person. Starting a conversation too becomes difficult. Continuing to remain friends may also stir up ample misunderstandings. We might fall in love again and when our new partner sees us talking to our ex, problems might occur. Just imagine living with a person who once left you just because you lacked something. This is a gamble and I am against it.

True love happens once in a lifetime; if broken, then it is broken forever. It is like a delicate glass, which should be handled with care. So people who part ways can’t be friends later.

— Moin Uddin, Kathmandu

n Breaking up comes purely due to incapability, incompetence, and non-preparation of two lovers. If it is inevitable, then it is very difficult to deal with. God creates an ideal couple. The deed of God can never be imperfect. Only selfishness leads to such a situation. ‘Morning shows the day’ and successful lovers never break up and failed people never unite; it is a universal truth.

—BK Lueta GC, Kathmandu

n Of course ending a relationship is a tedious job. Definitely, time heals everything but the closeness of a relationship determines the healing time. I think it is possible to be ‘just’ friends. Once you stop feeling for her, it can be easy to forget her and just be friends. If you fall in love with a person better than her, then the probability of forgetting her increases too. So giving space for other people in life is a must.

Eventually the feeling of love decreases and only the initiation for friendship is needed.

— Sudin Shrestha,

Buddhanagar, Kathmandu

n Once I loved a girl and wanted to get physically intimate, but she was not willing. One day there was a hot discussion and quarrel with her resulting in a break-up. After a few years, I came to the company of great personality who said, “Start morning with love, pass afternoon with love, end evening with love, then life will be full of joy and happiness.” So love the nature, the earth and the creatures to make life successful. I then realised my mistake and wrote a letter to her. She too could understand my attitude and feelings of true love. She was impressed by my transforming life style and on the following days she started calling me. Thus time and situation brought us back to the same place.

— Jayram Parajuli, Nardevi, Kathmandu

n Break-up is not easy to deal with, but I think it is really possible to ‘just’ be friends with the same person who were once in love because I have seen such couples who have remained friends after a crucial break-up. After all, s/he has so many virtues that you learn something from it. And how can we forget that the person with one wrong habit doesn’t make him/her a bad person. We should not forget that once that person was very close to our heart and perhaps there were many moments shared with him/her. Relationship doesn’t work out for some reasons, but that doesn’t mean friendship has to end. We shouldn’t forget that the first step to love is friendship.

— Aditi Lohani

n I have seen in the movies and serials that a couple separates from each other after they are dissatisfied and move ahead with their own life, but they remain friends and help each other when in need. They are fulfiling their duty of being friends as it is an act of humanity. So, they are just being sincere towards their duty. It is possible to be friends in real life too because we really need three things in any kind of relation which are highly and equally essential and they are trust, help and respect because of which every relation survives in this world.

— Pratik Shrestha,

Buddhanagar, Baneshwor

n Love is really an awesome feeling that every person feels once in a lifetime. It is much painful when that awesome ‘love’ remains no more. Although the pain heals with time, it is hard to become friends with the loved one. Being an ex-boyfriend or girlfriend, the person can’t play role of just a friend because the wound which was healed becomes fresh and difficult to deal with. So, friendship has no probability of flourishing with the pain.

— Bikesh Dahal (Bikal),

Kathmandu

n After a break-up, it’s really tough to cope with the situation. It is obvious to state that constant contact with the ex is bothersome. In my opinion, being just a friend after break-up is like trying to fix a broken vase, which is worthless. It’s better to remain strangers because being so-called just friends adds frustration, depression and unwanted mental trauma, which is uncalled for.

— Anonymous

n I think it’s possible to stay friends with one’s ex but that’s really complicated. I have seen people maintaining friendship even after breaking up but there are some wounds that even time can’t heal even though we try our best to erase it from our memories. Staying friends after breaking up is like making oneself suffer every time you see him/her with someone else or comparing him/her with one’s present love. Remembering the old good days, bringing tears to eyes, pain to heart, trying to put a brave and smiley face in front of all but the pain enduring in your heart is something only you know. That’s really difficult!

— Anonymous

n To be honest, relationships are temporary. Only a few of them last for a lifetime. Those who understand this know that break-up is a part of any relationship, whether you like it or not. In my opinion, it is possible to be friends with that same person even after a break-up because once s/he was a very important part of your life and just because the ‘love’ factor isn’t there anymore doesn’t mean the ‘understanding’ factor’s gone too. As a matter of fact, your ex would make a really good friend as s/he knows you better than some of your other friends. But if you broke up because s/he fell for someone else, then it’s better you end everything you had.

— Anonymous

n Well I think, if it is true love and they have to part ways due to some reasons or circumstances, then the word ‘break-up’ may not be appropriate. In that case, love within their heart never dies and they (have to) pretend to be ‘just’ friends for this world but love between them will grow more and more. True love should always be a source of inspiration and physical distance really doesn’t matter. Memories with your partner can be enough to live rest of the life happily. However, if you consider attraction/infatuation as your love, then it will be very much difficult to remain ‘just’ friends. This kind of love is purely based on expectations. So if expectations can’t be fulfiled, no relationship can exist.

— Simrin Kafle, Bhiarahawa

n There might be thousands of reason why people break up, but the bond they once shared will never fade away. So I believe although couples break up, they still can be very good friends. But some people can’t bear that, they can’t be friends as they can’t see their ex with anyone else. So it totally depends on the individual because being friends with an ex is not an easy thing.

— Sweekrtiti Sharma

n Break-up means breaking the relation as girlfriend and boyfriend but not the relation of friendship. Even if they break up, they can remain friends. If we break up with each other, then we should think that we are not made for each other and we should forget the past, start a new life, and be good friends. To be happy, remove sadness from our mind, only then we can start our new relation by being friends.

— Sujana Neupane, Chabahil

n I feel that breaking up with your boyfriend is common now because no one loves anyone forever. I also broke up with my boyfriend just a few days ago. I was tensed and yes, it’s very difficult to deal with break-up but every thing materialises according to time. Now we are good friends and our jubilation is not lost. Although I was in agony before, now I am happy because my boyfriend is speaking to me and he helps me. I was obsessive about him, now I am happy with our mutual understanding.

What I want to request to everyone is never be unhappy with your boyfriend because ‘kind hearts are the garden, kind thoughts are roots, kind words are the flowers, and kind deeds are the fruits’.

— Anonymous

n The need of human beings are categorised into two types — basic additional needs. Love falls under the additional needs. Actually, love may develop when someone likes or wants something from their heart. If situations make them break up with each other, it will be very difficult to face one another after that.

However, when they break up then they should forget everything about their past and move on. One should have a good view, positive attitude, understanding and thought for one another. So, they would be again united as good friends.

— Sushmita Niraula

n Breaking up with your girlfriend is really heart breaking. It’s very difficult to deal with her again. It’s better not to deal with her because who can’t understand the heart can never become a friend. Break-up occurs due to misunderstanding, intolerance and discrimination. Even educated and university graduates break up for status and money. As George Gordon Byron, an English poet, wrote —

When the two parted In silence and tears,Half-broken heartedTo seven for years,Pale grew thy cheek and cold,Colder thy kiss;Truly that hour foretoldSorrow to this.— Niraj Chaudhary,

Manthali, Ramechhap

n Friendship after break-up is only possible if it was a mutual or a happy break-up. But I believe, if it’s OVER, it’s OVER. Why be friends with your ex? Couples break up because either one of them was not having the same feelings as the other. If someone dumps you and later asks you to be friends, don’t!! “Let’s be friends” is a way of alleviating the dumper’s guilt. It is a selfish act by him; it is up to you to decide if you should remain friends. You are very much in your right to tell the person to go to hell. For me, if I had a boyfriend I wouldn’t stay friends with him if we broke up. But yes, it is possible to just be friends with the person who was once in love. You can be friends with an ex if spending time together or thinking about him/her doesn’t cause you pain and instead brings you joy. For some people in some relationships, that can happen very quickly after a break-up. For others, it never happens. And that’s the way it is and perhaps will be!

— Anonymous