Wedding frills: Cut your coat according to your cloth

HIMALAYAN NEWS SERVICE

Weddings these days have become much more expensive and I think spending money this way is not worth it. Even if a marriage is conducted in the grandest style, it is not sure that it will be remembered for years. Instead some innovative thing can be done so that the unique act will be remembered for years. So, weddings must be conducted in a simple but memorable way. And the money should be given to the bride-and-groom to spend as they wish or it can be spent on social welfare.

— Rasbin Rijal

n It would be better not to spend money in weddings. I feel the bride and groom should first be self-dependent and then only they should think about their marriages. No money should be given to the married couple as dowry or in any other form. It is true that marriage is once in a lifetime celebration but it should be conducted in a systematic way without harming anyone.

— Vivek Kumar Yadav

n A middle class family should definitely provide a couple with some money rather than wasting money on festivities. But a rich family can afford both. So, if one is able to spend, marriage should be done in such a way that people remember it for ages because it is one of the most important parts of life.

— RobYn Lama, Boudha

n Individuals make progress in life in terms of education, wealth, posts, et cetera. And they want to show their achievements to others. A wedding, which happens just once in a person’s life, could be one of the best platforms to showcase this success to people. Hence, in many senses, it is good to serve a variety of quality dishes to invitees at a beautifully decorated place. The ambience of the wedding and the variety of quality dishes give enjoyment to the guests, which they will remember forever. Such extravagant weddings provide satisfaction and pride to the groom and bride as well as the entire family. Economically, huge expenses of the rich people make trickle down effects to the poor in society. One, however, must cut his coat according to his cloth.

— Anonymous

n Life has become more difficult than ever, and we cannot afford to fulfil our basic needs. In this context, I don’t think it is wise to spend a person’s life’s savings on a wedding. I feel we should think wisely; we have a life ahead that is going to start after the marriage. So, we should save money for the coming life. It’s not that we get married with grand party and then it’s all finished. In fact life starts after we get married. We have huge responsibilities. I have always supported small, beautiful and simple weddings and no dowry system but the sum to be handed over to bride and groom for their beautiful future as blessings. People find fault no matter how grand the wedding is. It’s not wise to organise a grand wedding just because people will remember it for many years. Money has great value and we need to use it when we are in need and not for the sake of fake popularity and to show off.

— Leeza

n It would be better to have a small wedding. As we all know, majority of Nepali people are poor, certainly, wedding ceremonies should not be extravagant affairs if we envision an equitable and non-discriminatory society. These days, we can see extravagant wedding ceremony especially in urban milieu which has direct effect on the lives of the poor and marginalised as well as the bride and groom. One man might have a great amount of money in society but a huge number of people don’t have such riches. One can spend more money and make a wedding extravagant, but poor people also strive to have extravagant wedding ceremonies. As a result, poor people fall in debt when they have such extravagant weddings. He/she has to spend most of his or her lifetime paying back the money. They never get the chance to improve their economic condition and the disparity between the poor and the wealthy is increased and society can’t develop equally.

— Keshab Singh Air, Kirtipur

n A wedding ceremony should be done in the grandest style possible which will be remembered for years because the wedding day stays with a couple until death. If people just give money to the bride and don’t throw a grand party, then other people in society may look at the bride and groom in a negative way.

— Abhishek Sherchan , Pokhara

n I always enjoy being in a marriage ceremony. Houses covered with lights, brides dressed like queens, people in beautiful dresses enjoying delicious food, dances to romantic songs and smiling faces of all the acquaintances make me feel that sorrow and sadness only exist in nightmares. I believe that reality is also beautiful, it’s filled with happiness. But when I hear that someone is living a life of misery only because they spent all they had in their children’s marriage, I find myself facing reality that is not less than a nightmare. Yes, marriage is the start of a new life for the bride and groom. It should be celebrated but that celebration should not be at the cost of happiness of their parents who have a long life to live.

— Umesh Pokharel , Kalaiya, Bara

n I think wedding is something that ties two souls in one relation. That means, it’s the beginning of their new life, so, they should be given importance in their wedding, not a grand party. So, for me, more than an extravagant wedding, a simple wedding is better. A simple wedding is not so costly. Also, weddings should be a matter of bliss rather than tensions for both families. And if the families are affluent, then they can simply get their children wed and give them the money that would otherwise be spent in extravagant weddings. And the couple can spend this money on their honeymoon and other things they need in their married life.

— Sanjeeta Shahi

n A small wedding saves time, money and unnecessary effort. What I’ve observed is most people spend beyond their status just because some of their relatives and neighbours will talk badly about them. As far as once-in-a-life thing is concerned, if the couple spend that big money on a noble cause (helping orphans or disabled people), they will always feel proud of themselves, even till the last breath.

— Namgyal Dorje

n It would be an irrational decision to have a grand wedding and flood an enormous fortune for a day’s celebration with a hope of making the day memorable for years and years. Instead, a better option is to have a small wedding and use the money the couple gets in a charity to help vulnerable people in the nooks and crannies of our country. This idea promotes social welfare and also makes newly married couples responsible towards society. In addition, it can also be an open inspiration for people to step up for social equality. So called grand weddings are in reality multiplying gap between the rich and the poor.

— Sanjay Gelal, Kupondole

n Marriages are meant to be for a lifetime and should be celebrated. But these days, marriage that was once meant to be for sharing the joy of welcoming the bride and groom, giving blessings and making merry with people, has become like a competition for showing off wealth and connections. The invitees list is like a ‘Who’s Who’ list, with the exclusion of not-so fortunate but closer relatives and friends. Traditional customs have been elaborated and distorted to heights of imagination. People are copying whatever customs that attract them or what they see in Hindi films and serials. The present trend is a waste of money, and creates confusion in the youth regarding family customs, traditions and practices. It is best to conduct celebrations among people who genuinely care for you curtailing the current extravaganza. Maybe enforcing higher tax to the host if the guest list exceeds certain number of invitees can be one option. It is far wiser and also cost-efficient to reduce the guest list and give the bride/groom the extra money.

— Rudra-Putri-Neelam

n I am interested in being a part of a wedding where the bride/groom are free to utilise their money as they wish and when needed. I prefer a small wedding where the bride and groom make fruitful use of rest of the money in the days to come. I think the huge investment for wedding is useless as this trend has created unhealthy competition among people in society.

— Namuna Bastola, Naikap

n In our society, marriage is not only a personal and family affair; it’s more like a social event, a gathering, a festival. It’s a lifetime association not only among the partners but between two families. So, what would be a better opportunity to get to know one another than through the event of marriage itself? On the other hand, a wedding ceremony is like an obligation in society. You hamper your image if you attend every wedding parties of all your relatives and friends but don’t give the best when it’s your time. You don’t want your friends to mock you for being a miser for a lifetime. But it doesn’t mean one needs to be extravagant and indebt oneself to throw a lavish party. One can have a moderate get-together and ceremony just enough to make everyone feel that their presence and best wishes are valued.

— R Joshi

n Wedding happens once in a life and it should be done in the grandest style possible which will be remembered for years. Morning shows the day and if the morning is fair, it is expected day will be fair. So, if the day of the life starts with joy and happiness it is expected life will pass through great pleasure. Having a small wedding and giving money to the bride and groom to use according to their wish is not a good thing as it will become a culture and take the form of dowry.

— Dev Singh Bhandari ,

Dallu-15, Kathmandu

n As it is said, “Extravagance leads to ruin, frugality makes life happy” I also believe in the same. Marriage is a bond of trust and understanding between husband and wife, which does not stand on the base of the expenditure in the wedding. Although it is once-in-a-life thing, it is not necessary to invest a huge amount in the celebration. It is better if we are able to simply save the money for our future, which will be a great help in emergencies. So, weddings can be grand even with less investment because the root cause is happiness and, if the bride and groom are happy then the marriage itself will be a grand one and a real once-in-a-life time thing to remember.

— Garima Poudel,

Masbar, Pokhara

n Spendthrift weddings have created unwise competition among people of society. People spend money for prestige in society. But it’s hard always to maintain such a lifestyle in life ahead. If a person wants both name and fame, then s/he can donate some amount of money to community works rather than spending it on marriage. Some amount can also be given to bride and groom which they would spend as per their wish and needs. Spending more money at a wedding in fact doesn’t make people happy.

— Saroj Kandel, Masbar, Pokhara 7

n I think it is of no use to spend unnecessarily in wedding as it may create negative impact in society. Wedding is the purest thing, which is to be celebrated in the holiest way possible, so that it will be a good example for other people. I prefer a grand wedding but with something special. I want to spend a penny for the wedding and remaining amount in noble cause like organising one day special dinner to senior citizens in old age home, investment in construction of hospital cum spiritual university or investment in water supply project et cetera. My main intention is to do philanthropic work that will be beneficial for the large number of people and which is remembered with pride for a long time.

— BK Lueta GC, Nayabazaar,

Kathmandu

n I don’t think that marriage should be extravagant to be remembered for life. By conducting simple wedding it can be made memorable. There are many creative ways to make wedding a happening event. Without lots of money we can have a wedding in an organised way so that the guests can enjoy it at the same time the host doesn’t get a financial burden as well as pressure to maintain the prestige. I have known many people who despite being not so rich take loan and conduct a lavish weddings. And it has put them in a big problem. Parents of one of my friends are forced to leave their home as the bank took their house for not being able to repay the loan they had taken for wedding on time. So, why not to do a simple wedding serving just sarbat (juice) or pudding to the guests?

— Moin Uddin, Ghattekulo, Kathmandu

n There was a time when marriage used to be a religious affair but with time, the whole marriage process has turned into a social event. Every parent wishes their children’s marriage to be extraordinary as they take it as an opportunity to stand in the society with pride. Parents always fear that if they can’t make their children’s wedding extravagant, they’ll surely be tagged as poor by society. As a result, they spend a lot of money even by taking loan which they are unable to repay on time and suffer a lot. So, it’s our responsibility to convince our parents and make them realise that a lot of expenses in weddings is simply a waste of wealth.

— Milan Khadka,

Prayagpokhari, Lagankhel

n Spending a lot of money on marriage thinking that it is once in a life thing and for remembrance for years is not a good thing. Instead we can make the weddings a small affair so that the bride and groom can use the money for some good purpose. Keeping the popular saying, “Cut your coat according to your cloth” every individual ought to spend money appropriately in marriage ceremony.

— Nishchal Tamang,

Dillibazar, Kathmandu

n I feel that such huge expenses are affordable only for the high class families who look for an opportunity to spend their piles of money. But middle class and poor people hardly gather enough money to manage a fine wedding. They fall in debt and even go bankrupt. Hence, instead of spending a fortune on such events it will be quite wise to give money to the bride and groom so that they will be able to carry out their responsibilities with ease. They will also be relieved with all sorts of stress in their new married life, if they find money to support their future plans. In this way, all the worries will end up.

— Preety Karki