Wanna wed a pahadi

I am 22, a student and a madhesi. I want to conduct an intercaste marriage with a pahadi girl. I have not found the girl. Are my intentions right or wrong?

— Akash Kumar

Dear student, do not trouble with trouble until trouble troubles you. You haven’t even met the pahadi girl from the mountains. Once you find her and decide you want to be with her for the rest of your life we will put our heads together and come up with a solution to link the fertile terai with the craggy mountains of Nepal.

Confused

I am a girl of 17. Lately I am in love with a guy and he loves me, too. I have also a best asexual friend (a guy) who recently proposed an intimate relationship to me. But I am not being able to say to my friend that I can never like him in that capacity plus I already have a boyfriend for I am scared of losing his friendship. I know he will ruin himself (and will smoke a lot) if he comes to know of my real lack of interest. Please help me!

— Naaz None

Dear Naaz

Have you figured out who you are really in love with? The basis on which you conducted your friendship with your asexual friend seems flimsy as he has confirmed he wants an intimate sexual relationship with you. It takes two to tango. Have you been encouraging him? Always remember, that no healthy relationship can survive, when a third party is beating his chest to be involved. It becomes uncomfortable for everyone. Choose wisely. Is your concern over his possible degeneration an indication of love? Are you over estimating your hold over this friend, why should he just ruin himself over your rejection~ that is the worst case scenario. What could also happen is that your asexual friend will just move on once you tell him very honestly that you are not interested in having a relationship with him. If he indeed your friend, he will respect this decision and remain your friend.

Lost love

I loved a boy named Sachin and had a very fulfilling relationship with him. Subsequently, he told me he could not marry me as he had already promised his hand to someone else. He went on to marry this girl who is named Pooja three months ago. Recently, he insulted me in front of everyone when I tried to confront him with my situation accusing me wrongfully of trying to break up his marriage. My problem is I cannot deal with my feelings ever since. I keep thinking why this had to happen to me and only me in the whole, wide world. I am especially emotionally vulnerable since I have also lost my mom and my brother and have tried suicide twice following this abruptly aborted affair. I only wish this weren’t an affair.

— Saheen, Nayabazar

Dear Saheen,

You need to get out of this depressing situation very, very quickly. First of all, Sachin is already married, he dumped you for Pooja. It was unethical of him to pursue an affair with you when he knew all long that he was betrothed to someone else. And now you are doing something equally unethical by trying to cling on to this heartless and rude man by

“confronting” him with your situation. Believe me your story is not unique, men have been duping women and vice versa since the earth began spinning! I understand how dejected and rejected you feel. You must overcome this emotional vulnerability. Take a holiday in the company of your good friends, get extra busy in your workplace - just avoid being alone for sometime. Always remember that life is in itself a precious gift. Make some magic with it.

I want to quit

I’m 20 years old and I am studying something that I have no interest in just for the sake of my parents. I study hard but I just can’t clear my exams and I can’t tell them that I want to quit as they will be too disappointed. I also believe they won’t let me quit even if I told them. We live in a joint family so there are backbiters and they, too, have appearances to keep up. I couldn’t stand my parents criticized because of me. Please help me!!

— Tormented

Dear student,

When you “quit” studying

you close many doors of opportunity. Are you failing because you are studying something that you don’t enjoy? If this is the case it is never too late to change your subject. As your parents won’t let you quit bring them around to understanding what it is you really want to study, so that both your parents and you make a joint decision about your academics. Don’t worry about the backbiters, once you parents support your decision, everyone else becomes

redundant.

Career wars

I’m 17 and have a great interest in music. I can sing songs, compose lyrics and play the guitar. I have even organised a small band of my own but we are not encouraged to perform as my parents never allow me to play in public. There is nothing else I would love to do but make music but my father always says to me: “Showbiz is not for girls.” Among many things, this hurts a lot. I know expectations are bad but I wish I had my parents’ support.

— Denied

Dear Denied,

First of all expectations and dreams are not a bad thing. However, any dream needs to have a realistic target. Perhaps, your parents are concerned because they think you music is affecting your studies. Have you been able to prove otherwise? Even if you dream of a career with music it would be beneficial to finish your studies, so you have options later on. Where do you see yourself going with your music? Are you planning to make it your career? How committed is the rest of your band? Once you are able to answer these questions yourself, I suggest you try and seek an audition with a reputable event management company or a recording studio for an audition. It is important to know if your ability to compose music and write the lyrics has a market. You need to be professionally assessed to know where you are and if you can be a part of the musical revolution that is rocking Nepal.

Working class hero

I am Rafiq. I am working in a leather shop in Kathmandu. I did not complete my studies and dropped out after BSc 2nd year. Now I feel I have taken a wrong decision. These days I find myself always thinking about my future and I feel I have some kind of weight on my heart. I don’t know how you can help me but thank you for letting me share this with you.

— Mohammad Rafiq, Kathmandu

Dear Mohammad,

It is only when we look back at our lives in retrospection that we are able to understand how and why we lead our lives in the present. After examining the present, we can consider making changes that impact our future in a meaningful way. The fact that you abandoned your BSc studies in the past is making you uncomfortable in the present. There is NO age bar for getting a quality education. There are so many private colleges now. Do some research before enrolling your self in the right academic program and in the right college. You can still maintain a part time job. Let your education set you free and be happy.

Sangeeta Thapa can be reached at talk2me@thehimalayantimes.com