Carey was convinced she'd be dead by now

LONDON: Mariah Carey feels blessed to be alive she never thought she'd live to see her 40th birthday.

The singer turned 40 in March (09) and admits she celebrated more than most.

She says, "Honestly, I never thought I’d live this long."

The Without You singer tells In Touch magazine, "I have always been grateful for everything I had, but my personal life was a mess. So many artists just exist for their careers and then burn out quickly.

"I always thought that I wouldn’t be here at this point. I was thinking, 'OK, I’ve got another year of my life left. This has got to be the end of it.'"

Meeting and marrying rapper/actor Nick Cannon made Carey stop thinking so negatively.

She explains, "He was like, 'Stop talking like that.' I have been obsessed with the whole Marilyn Monroe thing my whole life - all those artists who died young."

And Carey admits she shared her gloomy outlook with the late Michael Jackson: "At one point, we talked about that stuff. I can’t reveal what he thought. But yes, we had a conversation about it once."