London:

Fat people don’t work as hard as people who are not fat,” claimed Dragon’s Den fire-breather Duncan Bannatyne. He may not realise it, but some of history’s most significant figures have been fat. Here, we raise our extra-milky lattes with two sugars and mayonnaise-filled superclub sandwiches to the high-achieving fatties.

Henry VIII

England’s greatest king, and its No 1 fatty. Championed the claret-and-capons diet beloved of the Tudors. Decapitated the odd wife, but on the plus side created the centralised English state, bashed the French and gave short shrift to papal bull.

Pope John XXIII

Pleasingly dumpy. Described by one biographer as “a fat old man with twinkling eyes and a seductively resonant voice, robed with such extravagant dignity as to underscore the comedy of his figure”. Initiated the Second Vatican Council, which sought to modernise the Catholic church and allow thin men a greater say.

WG Grace

England’s champion cricketer. Fine all-rounder (in every sense) who played until the age of 66. It’s fair to assume that were he playing now instead of our lean but totally useless current crop of cricketers, England would still be in the World Cup.

Orson Welles

Cinema’s greatest genius. Actor, writer, director, raconteur, maker of unforgettable sherry commercials. In his later years, was averse to finishing anything except dinner.

Father Christmas

Enormously overweight, but, happily, has so far escaped the sack.

Oliver Hardy

Very fat; very funny. Try to imagine a thin version.

Beth Ditto: Ditto.

Luciano Pavarotti

The greatest tenor of modern times. At his peak, weighed in at more than 130kg; his voice declined when he attempted to diet. Let that be a lesson to all opera stars, even ones being encouraged by sizeist opera houses to fit into little black dresses.

“It ain’t over till the thin lady sings.”

Don’t be ridiculous!