A middle-aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near-death experience. Seeing God, she asked if this was it. God said, “No, you have another 43 years, two months, and eight days to live.” Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a facelift, liposuction, breast augmentation, tummy tuck, et cetera. She even had someone come in and change her hair colour. Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it.

She got out of the hospital after the last operation, and while crossing the street was killed by an ambulance speeding to the hospital. Arriving in front of God, she demanded, “I thought you said I had another 40 years?”

God replied, “I didn’t recognise you.” — Hi Lama