Wife: You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and comes out of the other.

Husband: You tell a woman something: It goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth.

Mary: John says I’m pretty.

Andy says I’m ugly.

What do you think, Peter?

Peter: A bit of both. I think you’re pretty ugly.

Girlfriend: ... and are you sure you love me and no one else?

Boyfriend: Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday.

Kissing a woman on her forehead is respect

On her lips is love

On her cheek is heroism

On her neck is lust

But kissing her in front of her husband is ‘Bravery’.