Kirsty Alley attacked by romantic elephant

HOLLYWOOD: Kirsty Alley was nearly attacked by a male elephant at the San Diego Zoo Sunday and she's blaming some vegetarians for her recent 475-pound explosion!

"If that elephant had had his way with me, I would have been crushed to death" Alley told a reporter for the Truth Tattler. "And it's all due to those stupid vegetarians and their great diet advice."

Kirsty, who stated that she was down to a slim 298 pounds when the vegan vigilantes got to her, stated that she was able to escape the elephant by jumping into a parked clown car and telling the driver to 'step on it before we are stepped on!"

"I was doing pretty good on that Larry Craig Diet, with all the shoe-tapping exercises, and Larry was interested in bringing me on to do his commercials, but then I ran into slim Sarah!"

Kirsty told the Truth Tattler that for ten months she was a vegetarian, and that she couldn't tell us how much weight she gained in after only three months because she could no longer see the scales.

But after getting a friend to allow her to drive onto a grain truck scale and get out of her car, then back to it, the difference was 475 pounds!

The actress concluded with, "Maybe I'll try the the meat diet thing. Goodness knows there's been no meat thing around here since I gained these last 100 pounds!"

"That's not counting the elephant!"