Kathmandu

The major reason behind jealousy is insecurity. If you are in a relationship in which you feel insecure, then you always fear that the other person is going to leave you for somebody else.

You are afraid of getting hurt, hence you get jealous and this is when all the petty fights in a relationship creep in. The bottom line here is: You are not loved, and you know it and you are afraid. This fear translates into jealousy, and you take every security precaution to ensure that the other person will not look at a third one. Even looking is interpreted as a danger signal. S/he should not talk to another man/woman because you are afraid of being abandoned.

But when you close all doors, another problem arises. The person becomes merely another object that needs to be guarded, possessed and controlled. And more you control, the more you are killing that person because ‘freedom’ has flown out of the relationship. In Nepal, most of us agree to arranged marriages, and this is a major cause for jealousies in marriages. The husband and wife both know this is an arrangement made by the parents, society; perhaps the wife and husband were never asked if it was okay. In many cases they’ve never known each other, so it is normal that fears exist. Both are afraid of being hurt and over the years maybe they spy on each other. They can be staying together, tolerating each other, but that can’t be called living.

In the West, arranged marriages is an alien practice. But then sex is also not hush-hush there. So if a society that does not frown upon sex, is it any wonder that sex is often mistaken for love. So where, how do you find a balance between all this? One is meditation whereby you try to find the inner you, and the other is love. Trust cannot be forced, but jealousy forces itself on you. But once the trust is broken, there is nothing you can do. If you love someone, stick together. But if it is not working or you cannot trust the other person, move on and fast, so that you don’t end up destroying each other. Move on.