Kathmandu:

We were walking along the road. Her umbrella had a broken spoke. She looked liked a wounded soldier, carrying her rusted rifle.

She was deep in thought and almost got hit by some vehicles. I just wanted to take her in my arms, but I did nothing.

On the way, we passed by a park and she said, “Let’s go to the park just for a little while. Please. I promise I’ll go home right after that.”

Seeing her begging, my cold heart softened, but I still kept an annoyed face and walked into the park. I was sitting on a bench looking like I wanted to leave.

She went to the big oak tree and started looking for something. I knew she was looking for what we had written on that tree with a silver ink pen half a year ago. If I remember right, it said, “Bima and Rajiv were here, Bima had tea while Rajiv had cold drinks.”

She came back with tears on her face.

“Rajiv, I can’t find it, it’s not there anymore.”

There was a stream of pain flowing in my heart, but all I could do was pretend as if I didn’t care. And said, “Can we go now?”

I opened my big black umbrella. But she didn’t want to leave yet...

“You made up the story of that other girl didn’t you? I know I frustrate you sometimes, but I’ll change, can’t we start over?”

I just looked down and shook my head.

Four years ago, we fell in love with each other. Then I met Nilu, the girl with the heart of gold. She looked so simple and innocent. We used to attend the same computer classes. Within a month she became a part of my life. Her eyesight was weak and she had no one except me whom she could fully trust and believe. I had to choose between my first love and her, and even God left me no choice.

I had to end my previous relationship because Nilu needed me more than Bima did. I had tried to hide my new relationship but finally told Bima everything. It was a cruel thing to do, and it broke her heart, but it was all I could do besides keeping her in the dark. But 31 more minutes and this would all come to an end. I called a taxi for her. We were standing there, waiting.

I held my tears and said to her, “Take good care of yourself.” She didn’t talk, just nodded lightly, opened her broken umbrella and stepped out on the street.

I stood by the car, staring at the dark window, at the first love of my life, and the last.

The car started. Suddenly I couldn’t hold my pain any longer. Waving my arms rapidly. I chased the taxi.

I wanted to tell her I still love her, I wanted to ask her to stay, I wanted to tell her so much, but I could do nothing. Tears poured down my face.

But I know she didn’t see my tears because the rain washed them away.