TALK TO ME: Crushes get crushed with time

Uncomfortable friendship:

We have been friends for years. But recently he has been behaving differently with me. He keeps passing comments and tries to show he has feelings for me and at times shows it in public. I don’t like him behaving like that. I haven’t said anything to him. Though I have tried avoiding him, he makes it all the more sure to show his feelings for me and keeps clinging to me. How should I say that I do not have feelings for him? He is an old friend and I don’t know how to avoid him either. What do I do?

— Dharti

Dear Dharti,

Are you 100 per cent sure you have not encouraged him in anyway? If not, you are in a sticky and tricky situation as you don’t want to hurt an old friend who has suddenly decided to go public about his feeling for you. However, only YOU can put an end to his delusions before it goes too far. This you owe to him, if he is a good friend of yours. Make time to meet him privately and tell him very gently you are uncomfortable about his physical clinging on and emotional declarati-ons concerning you. Be as sensitive as possible. Tell him you are NOT in love with him but would like to remain good friends.


I am in love with my teacher. He is married and has kids. He does not know how I feel for him but then I love him very much. I don’t know if I will ever tell him my feelings. But I know for sure that I won’t be able to feel like that for any other man. My parents will get me married in a few years’ time. Now I am scared that I won’t be able to commit to any other man. I have thought about this a lot, but cannot come to any conclusion because I cannot stop loving him. I have tried forgetting him all in vain. What do I do?

— Lonely Soul

Dear Lonely Soul,

You are not alone, students all over the world imagine they are in love with their teachers at some point in their lives. This is just a phase you are going through. Crushes get crushed with time. You are fantasising about a married man with two kids...everything is going on in your head....reality is a different story. Your statement “I won’t be able to commit to any other man” sounds barmy considering you have committed nothing to the hapless teacher. Neither has he committed anything to you. I suspect you get very few opportunities to meet members of the opposite sex. You need to meet other men, not just your teachers, so that when your parents eventually arrange your marriage in a few years, you are mature enough to make the right choices.

Caught in a web:

I love a girl. But another girl loves me and my friends tease me with her. My friend also loves the girl I am in love with. Sometimes she acts as if she is in love with me, while at other times she does not acknowledge my presence. Should I propose her? If she rejects me, then there will be no relation between us. Or should I go with the girl who loves me or with the girl that I love. Please help me.

— Ron Stoppable

Dear dear...such confusion! After all the games, only you can decide which girl you should propose to.The answer is quite simple, choose the girl who reciprocates your feelings. Brother’s studies in troublen My brother studies in Class VIII. He is not good at his studies. He barely manages to pass his exams. His teachers do not seem to be bothered about this. They know that he is not good at his studies but then they do not bother to check his homework keenly and neither give advice to parents nor do they warn him. We do what we can at home but then we do not have enough time to keep checking his homework. We are very worried because if he does not pass his ninth grade then he won’t be allowed to give his Class X exams. Please help!

— Checker

Dear Checker,

You brother is lucky to have such a sensible and concerned sibling. However, you cannot take on the entire burden of responsibility on your shoulders. Talk to your parents and get them involved. Let them approach the school and the teachers. Academic tutorial help more than the nagging at home. Ultimately, it is important to understand that the family can only guide your brother. He must come to terms with his weaknesses and learn to help himself.

First love:

I was going around with a girl. We were in love and I had even introduced her to my family. Life changed after I went to the States. I had a number of relationships. I was not serious about them. I am still going around with another girl but have come to realise I am not in love with her. I am still in love with my first girlfriend. We are in touch but she knows about my relationships. I want to get back with her but I am scared she will reject me. What do I do?

— Lover boy

Dear Lover Boy,

You can’t have everything in life handed to you on a plate. If you truly love girlfriend No 1, then you have to work hard on rebuilding her confidence, trust and faith in you. Once you have that, tell her what you feel and take it from there. The challenge in a relationship should not be governed by the fear of rejection. It should be inspired by the need to find true love.