Insensitive lover

I am 24 and still unmarried. I have a boyfriend. We share a good relationship and are intimate too. However, during intercourse he does not care about any pain that I may go through. He goes about lovemaking his own way without caring how painful it can be for me. I have talked to him about this, but he does not care. How can I make him see the physical pain that his way of making love is causing me? — Janii

Dear Janii,

If you share a “good relationship” with your partner you should not be going through this pain alone. There are some important issues you need to address personally and with your partner in order to solve this problem:

1. Many young girls start relationships while in school/college. Sometimes, these girls lead dual lives as the family does not know that their daughter is involved in an intimate relationship. In such cases, the guilt factor can weigh heavily in a young girls

mind and block feelings of enjoyment. This is why it is important for families to acknowledge that their child has grown up, is attracted to the opposite sex and has a boyfriend.

2. Have you considered that you may be feeling stressed out because you don’t know when, where and how this relationship will end?

3. See a gynaecologist immediately and check if you have any internal physical problems that is causing you this discomfort.

4. Make sure you have protected sex, to avoid STD/HIV and unwanted pregnancies.

Your partner and you need to tackle these issues together. Once you make the time to address these issues, both of you should know what to do next. Your boyfriend needs to understand what you are going through both emotionally and physically. He also needs to change his intimate approach with you. If this does not happen, you need to consider whether you want to pursue a relationship with a clumsy, insensitive moron who puts all his physical needs first and is oblivious to your dreams and desires.

Homosexual

tendencies

I am 23-year-old guy, a graduate from the far western region. I was 19 when I first fell in love with my classmate. However, since she was shy and did not seem interested in me, nothing happened. My problem is that I have completely changed after my graduation. Right now I am in Kathmandu and my attraction towards girls has gradually faded. I feel I am more attracted to guys, especially my roomie, but he has girlfriends, not one but many. Will it be a wise step to express my attraction (love?) for him now? If not, what should I do? — Pra-Shawad

Dear Pra-Shawad,

You are still in the process of discovering your sexuality. In many universities across the world, young students do experiment with members of the opposite sex or the same sex, giving rise to various acronyms for these phases in their sexual awakening — BUG (bisexual until graduation), LUG (lesbian until graduation) or HUG (homosexual until graduation). Your problem may have arisen from the fact that you were rejected by your girlfriend and seem to have made no progress with any other member of the opposite sex. Finding the right girl takes time and patience. Are you loosing interest in girls because you are feel dejected by their lack of interest? Is this why you have diverted your attention to men now? Your attraction to your roomie seems to be more focused on his prowess with girls than to his gender. Would it be wise to unburden your feeling on someone who so obviously loves the company of women? I would suggest that you visit the Blue Diamond Society. You will be able to meet alot of people like you and unlike you — young men, older men. It is up to you to sort yourself out and come to terms with yourself and your sexual orientation.

13 and hurt

I am 13 in love with Sandeep, who is 14. When I proposed earlier, he refused but later accepted. I was so happy, but later I overheard him talking to his old girlfriend telling her that even though he had accepted my proposal, he still loved her. And this were not enough, he broke up with me after two hours. He is making my life miserable because now he won’t even talk to me. Please help. — Rashmi

Dear Rashmi,

It seems like Sandeep realised he is still in love with his old girl. Why do you want to be

with someone who clearly has feelings for someone else? Though accepting this fact may be hard at the beginning, time heals all wounds. He is not talking to you because a)

he is embarrassed; b) he doesn’t want to hurt you; c) his girlfriend is not okay about it.

Let go of him, you are just 13. Don’t spend time wallowing in self pity. There are plenty of boys out there and its not the end of the world.

Lack of funds

I have passed the Intermediate level (Science) in first division and I want to study BSc Biotechnology. Unfortunately I do not have the required amount (Rs 3.5 lakh) to pursue my interest. I have tried for scholarships but have not been able to get any. I don’t want to study any other subject. I have also planned to study CA and get some consultancies but have got no satisfactory answer from anywhere. Can you suggest something? — Yubraj Limbu ‘Nimukha’

Dear Nimukha

Congratulations on your good results! Have you looked for scholarships locally or internationally? Try both options and at the same time, understand the wisdom in being

flexible. If you have not been able to get a scholarship to study Biotechnology or CA, move on, explore other options and learn to cut your suit according to the cloth you have, to avoid disappointment.