Love online:

I fell in love with a guy I met in Kolkata when I was there for a short visit (he is Nepali). I met him and exchanged addresses, and then we chatted online everyday. Eventually, he proposed and I accepted. I am worried because we have known each other only through Internet. I think he loves me when we talk on the phone, but when I can’t find him online I change my mind. For two weeks he has been missing online and although I have called him and asked him to come online he still hasn’t. Does this guy really love me?

— Love Bytes

Dear Love Bytes

Let this Kolkata guy go... and be free. Real life experiences and relationships are more rewarding than the seductive exchange of words over the telephone or internet. Marriage needs to based on something more than meaningless seductive waffle.

Committing quick:

I have always avoided ruining my education by getting involved in a relationship until I met this girl at my school. As far as I can tell we love each other and I look forward to spending the rest of my life with her. The problem is that we haven’t discussed this face to face. Am I committing too much too soon?

— RL

You seem to have realised that you are “committing too much too soon.” You have also mentioned that you “avoided ruining” your education in the past “by getting involved in a relationship.” I could not agree more, as you are both in school and much too young to make definate commitments. So many people do end up marrying their childhood sweethearts... learn to pace yourselves and maintain a balance between your studies and your emotional commitments . With time, you might just outgrow this relationship or find that this girl has staying power and will grow to be the woman of your dreams.

Public shame:

My mother-in-law came to live with us in Kathmandu from the village. Although I have a career, I spend a lot of time teaching her the basics of modern life. I often come home to find her bathing in public without covering herself properly. Even when I request her to stop, she continues. One day, when I was with my sister, I saw her bathing in front of the house and made her walk around our house naked to teach her a lesson. My relatives now think I’m evil, but she stopped bathing in public. I think I did the right thing. Did I?

— Puzzled Daughter-in-law

I am glad that I am not your mother-in-law... what you did was unacceptable. You are an educated woman with a career. Despite your educational and economic empowerment you have not understood the divide between city sensibilities and village realities. Find a more acceptable approach by putting asisde your anger, frustration and resentment. Learn to be gentle. Cast aside the feeling of superiority you seem to plumped up with. Your mother-in-law is after all the mother of the man you married.

Wanna break free...

I am in love with my sister’s friend. We have known each other for 10 years. Initially I thought it was infatuation so I didn’t care so much. I never told her my feelings. We hardly saw each other after that because she moved out. Thereafter she completed her studies and we started meeting and calling each other up. Now I think I have fallen for her but she does not take it that way. I am sure she takes me only as a brother or a friend. In fact, she is into a relationship but not a serious one. I think of her a lot. I want to tell her my feelings but I am really scared. I even tried ignoring her but I can’t. It hurts me more. I just want a way out of this. To forget about her and move on with my studies and, may be, start a new relationship. Help me get out of this!

— Troubled

Do you realise you have been troubled for a decade?! This is not a healthy situation as time and life are precious. Though your friendship has endured and progressed slowly over these years… your girl is currently dating someone else. OUCH! Are you waiting sadly on the sideline, hoping against hope that her relationship with this other boy will fall to pieces, so that you can then tell her what you really feel? I suggest that you find a private moment with this girl and tell her what you feel, so you know what to do next.

Don’t be afraid… if she reciprocates your love… great! If all she wants is your friendship, accept that, too. The worse case scenario is that she might find your ardour and emotions misplaced. You need to hear it all from her. Be prepared to respect her decision.

Anger control:

I am working as a manager in a communication centre where my job is to deal with different kinds of clients. My problem is that I never get satisfied the way I deal with my customers. When my clients ask me a bundle of questions I get angry and mad, and I shout at them. I am really disturbed by this habit of mine. I will be grateful to you if you help here.

— Praniel

At least you realise you have a problem controling your anger. Get help — seek counselling. I also suggest you think about getting another job... this one might just do you in as your communications skills seem to be flawed.

Plagued by a recurrent bad habit? By persistent thoughts that don’t get resolved? By uncontrollable behavioural mistakes on your part or bad behaviour on the others’? Write a gist of your situation to Sangeeta Thapa at talk2me@thehimalayantimes.com.