My life’s useless:

I am 19 and studying in a college. My problem is that I am in an A-level college though the economic condition of my parents is not good. I suffered a health problem when I was Class VIII, and it is still not cured. My first term exam results were not good. I just could not concentrate on my studies. My second term exams have just gotten over and I do not have hopes for a good result. I hate myself as I am physically retarded. I see no aim in my life. I do not have any close friends. I think my life has come to an end. Please help me. — Riwaj

Dear Riwaj,

Sometimes it is hard to believe life is the most precious gift bestowed by some higher force. When we are physically and mentally stressed, this reality may seem nebulous. It is important that you come to terms with your capabilities and limitations. No one is perfect. Despite your health problem, your parents believe in you and are investing in your education. You are very fortunate to have such supportive parents. The time has come for you to stop moping. The fact that you are physically-challenged is not an issue. You need to come out of your shell and set realistic goals. No one is deliberately shunning you. It is your negative attitude that is keeping them away. It is important you open up to your parents and share your problems. Perhaps you need a tutor to help you. Do not get defeated by your problems. Your sense of self-esteem will grow once you learn to overcome your problems. Remember you still have the power to shape your own destiny.

Give me light:

I am 36-year-old man plagued with family, business and financial problems for the last three years. I can see the wrong things going on in my life but I am helpless to do something about them. I am not in a position to decide anything to turn everything that has been going wrong into right. I can’t share my feelings with others. I see darkness and I feel all doors to a bright future are closed shut. I would like to live in peace but don’t know how. Please show me the way. — Sundar

Dear Sundar,

First of all it is unhealthy for you to keep all these worries and fears to yourself. Your feelings of helplessness are understandable considering that both your family and business have been affected. Is it possible for you to find someone you can confide in? Sharing your feelings and your insecurities will help lighten your emotional load. The fact that you recognise the negative aspects going on around you is a positive indicator. However, it is important for you to grasp that you do have some control of your life and your actions directly affect your family, your business and your finances. This means you are in a position to speak up about issues that are troubling you. You can continue to suffer silently or take action, even it means confronting yo-ur family or business pe-ers. Problems can be solved through dialogue. Remember that an unhappy man is one who unnecessarily bends backwards to please all. Be proactive. Remember you are the master of your own destiny. You do not have to allow things to fester and simmer. Once you do this, you will find peace.

What’s in her heart?

I am a BSc student and have a friend whom I love. She loves me too. But I have been noticing that she has changed and has been ignoring me. How can I ask her what’s wrong? Is it me or something I’ve done? As far as I know, I have not done anything wrong? What can I do to know what’s really in her heart and mind? — Sanjiv

Dear Sanjiv,

Don’t jump to any conclusions. Chances are that if you haven’t done anything to upset her, it is something completely independent from you that is causing her to be withdrawn. Perhaps she is a private, self-contained person who feels uncomfortable talking about her problems. Your best bet is to be a good friend and lend her an ear: see if she wants to talk about anything, or maybe she needs some company even if she doesn’t want to reveal her problem. She will appreciate these gestures. And if she is upset with something involving you, you are giving her an opportunity to explain the situation to your face. Try not to take her behaviour personally until you know that you are the cause of her changed behaviour. Until then, try to be part of the solution in making her feel better.

Doubts about being friends:

My friend. He proposed to me and I told him I’d give him an answer later. After a few days I realised that I don’t have any feelings of ‘love’ for him. So, I told him everything but he still doesn’t want to leave me. I told him that we could be friends if you he had no problems with that. He, however, said that he was in confusion. I do not know what to do. Do I throw away our friendship? Please help me.

— Anameka

Dear Anameka,

It is good that you are in touch with your real feelings and that you were able to come clean about your feelings for this guy. This is a classic case where the old cliche about the ‘truth being hurtful’ comes to mind. Sometimes the truth can be confusing too, especially when people get seduced by their own dreams and cannot let go. Being friends and just your proximity may still be triggering all sorts of confusing emotions. If you want to maintain a friendship, it is imperative that you are gentle, firm and that you keep a respectable distance. Otherwise his protestations of undying love will continue ad nauseum.

Got any problems regarding your personal life, career or academics and want answers to? Mail Sangeeta Thapa at features@thehimalayantimes.com