TALK TO ME: Take time to be friends and remain friends
Who’s that girl?
I am a girl studying in Class VIII. I happen to have a crush on a girl who is in Class IX. Sometimes I stand beside her during assemblies, and I really feel nervous and start shaking. All my friends know that I’m mad about her. And so they tease me whenever I’m around her. She too knows that I have a crush on her. We haven’t talked with each other yet. All I want is to talk with her freely, just like how close friends do. Please help me. — Crush/Crazy
Dear Crush /Crazy,
Are you in a single sex school? Crushes like yours are normal in such institutions. Your peers can aggravate the situation and make things awkward for both of you by all the unnecessary teasings. So be warned. Teenagers undergo a hormonal change during this time, which makes them behave differently. During this time teenagers search for new role models other than parents and combined with the response to new stimuli, this can lead to all sorts of situations. Don’t be intimidated by the teasing. Don’t let this girl get intimidated by the teasing. Be wise and take the time to be friends.
I have known a person for four years and he is elder to me. For two years we were just good friends, but we started liking each other and now we are in love. But the problem is he is married. Despite this we are happy with our relation. However, when I think about his wife I feel guilty and feel am making a mistake.Is it a sin to love a married man? I know his wife needs him more than I do, but I don’t want to lose him. — Mystery gal
Dear Mystery Gal,
Sticky situation. Where love resides, there should be no guilt. There are three ways that you can hang on to this man, so weigh your options. 1.Can both of you be content being really good friends? If so, both of you should acknowledge your emotional boundaries and continue being good friends. 2. If you are heading towards intimacy, will you be content being his mistress and living with the guilt that you wrecked a marriage? 3. If this man really loves you, he could divorce his wife and marry you to legitimise the love both of you feel for each other. It takes two to tango. Both of you need to know what you expect from each other emotionally, physically and spiritually.
Lonely and sad:
I m a 13-year-old girl and live in a joint family. But I feel very lonely. I don’t have many friends. I am always behaving rudely and feel suicidal. My mom and dad don’t share a good relationship and are always fight with each other. My dad is forever concerned with money making and my mom is always protecting my brother. My friends are not supportive and I am desperately in need of an understanding friend. I am not a fun loving person but I talk a lot because of which people get annoyed by me. Sometimes I feel I have somebody who cares for me, but actually there is no one. Please help me.
— Ms Lonely
Dear Ms Lonely,
Life is a gift, do not blow it away because your parents fight, dogs bark and cows moo. You cannot change the world. Some things are the way they are. However, you must tell your parents that their fighting has caused you emotional and mental distress. Nobody has a magic wand with which they can change people’s attitudes and character. The most important thing here is you need to build up your self-esteem, find a hobby or get a pet to love and be loved. Above all be positive. Your positive attitude will win you friends. Most people don’t gravitate towards gloom and doom.
Making things right:
I am a guy of 17 and am in love with a girl in my class. First I wasn’t so close to her, but in order to get close to her I told her that I like another girl in our class though I knew that girl had a boyfriend. I made her believe it. But then my bad luck was that they were close friends and they shared secrets with each other. She caught me red handed. What can I do to make things right? — Lost One
Dear Lost One,
Looks like your lies did not help you at all! The only thing you can do to redeem yourself is to tell this girl what you really feel and why you did what you did. If you do not do this, you will always be a liar in eyes of the girl you love. So hop to it!
In love with a classmate:
I am a student of Baba Boarding School. I love a girl from my class. I feel jealous when she talks with other boys. I don’t know whether she loves me or not. But I am afraid if I ask her I might lose her as a friend. What should I do? Should I propose her? — Sujan Khanal
Get real — no point being obsessive and possessive about this girl. To begin with you don’t even know whether she likes you in that special way. So how can you suddenly rush and propose to her? I suggest you take it easy, seize a quiet and opportune moment to tell her what you feel for her. Gage her reaction. If she reciprocates your response, be happy. Take time to discover each other and then only propose.
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