Is this love?

I am in love with a girl. She often takes care of me and her actions seem to show that she loves me. I cannot even say that she likes me because she is bound to call me ‘Brother’ and I don’t like it at all. I am getting deeper and deeper and I haven’t proposed yet fearing consequences. I am sure if she says no I will get frustrated. Please help me.

— Manoj

Dear Manoj,

You sound muddled and befuddled. The only place you are getting deeper and deeper into is the confusion that is raging in your own mind. Just because a girl is affectionate and caring, it does not mean that she harbours romantic notions about you. You admit, “that Ï cannot even say that she likes me.” So why the rush to propose? Pace and space yourself. Haven’t you heard the cliché: “where fools rush in, angels fear to tread?”

What is he thinking?

I am a 20-year-old seeing a guy who is 27 and enjoys being with me. Whenever I propose to him he doesn’t give me any indication that he would ever be my boyfriend. But he talks to me when I give him a call and we go for dinner. How can I tell if he is in love with me? He has recently broken up with his girlfriend. I am afraid that he might return to her. I can’t stop thinking about him. What should I do?

— Shopiya Rajbhandari

As you are obsessed and need to know which direction this relationship is headed for, you should ask yourself a couple of questions before you find yourself in an uncomfortable situation This man has not given you any definite indication. You mentioned that he has recently broken up with his girlfriend. Perhaps, this is why he is not refusing the dinner dates you have organised. It must be frustrating for you not knowing where you stand. Maybe he is still recovering from his previous relationship and finds it difficult to get into another binding commitment right away. It seems that he values your friendship. Alternatively, some men find it very flattering to have a woman calling them up and setting dinner dates. Perhaps, he genuinely enjoys your company.

I am unclear about what you mean by the word “PROPOSE.” What exactly are you proposing to this man? If you cast aside your own insecurities and listen carefully to how he responds to your proposals, you should have a fair idea in which direction both of you are headed.

Hacked:

It sounds absurd but ‘hotmail’ made this possible. I hacked into this girl’s hotmail account and started using it. This became a great matter of concern to her as I created a lot of problems. The girl won my heart and I returned her passwords. I really did, the reason being I had loved her from many, many years. Now I have come to know she does not love me. It was only to lure me to give her password back that she was sweet with me. What should I do?

— Ganesh

Horror upon horror… you used your intelligence to achieve totally negative goals. To begin with you desecrated a girl’s privacy and then proceeded with deliberate malintentions to create problems for her by using her account. You are now claiming that you did all this for love. Your behaviour borders on being criminally offensive and perverse. Do see a psychiatristsoon. How could you expect this girl, whom you have singularly traumatised, to feel any LOVE for you? I suggest you back off from this girl and find some other fruitful hobbies. And Mr Ganeshji, how about leaving that comp of yours alone?

Are you lonely with your troubles? Clueless about your favourite dream? Upset or wronged against? Find a way out of misery by writing to THT’s Sangeeta Thapa at talk2me@thehimalayantimes.com