Some of us think holding on makes us strong; but sometimes it is letting go. — Herman Hesse

We all go through breakups. They can be rough, and they can be amicable; no matter what, no one really wants to go through them. These steps may not be perfect, but they can help.

Realise what happened and why

You have to make it clear to yourself that this is not all your fault. It takes two people to make a relationship start, and one discordant person is enough to have it break up.

Accept your pain

Have your good long cries if you feel like it. It is okay to be hurt and feel alone and feel like you have messed up. But you have to know that you are a good person and this is not all one-sided.

Keep your distance

Take a complete break from each other immediately after the breakup. That means no seeing each other, no phone calls, no e-mails, no smsing untill you feel that you can converse with him/her like a normal person, without an ulterior motive (and yes, wanting to get back together counts as an ulterior motive).

Think through everything

Try asking yourself what went wrong. But you also have to think of why you two broke up. If there was a reason but it wasn’t a good one, then this person isn’t worth your time.

Deal with the hate phase

This is where you want to just scream because you are so furious. The amount of anger you feel all depends on how bad the ‘split’ was. You may even feel like you hate yourself, but get out of that feeling fast.

Talk to friends

They are always a source of advice and help. You want people around you that love you and who will help you see that you should love yourself too and that you don’t need this sort of pain.

Write your feelings down

Write in a journal or write poems. Most of all, be absolutely honest and don’t edit yourself as you go. One of the best results is that sometimes you will be amazed by a sudden insight that comes to you as you are pouring out your thoughts onto paper.

Don’t overreact

You may be feeling lonely, and want to be with someone, but don’t go back to your ex unless you really believe you should be together. Don’t jump into another relationship as a rebound, just to make yourself feel better. It’s not fair to the other person, and will eventually lead to another breakup.

Let go

See that there is no sense in still being heartbroken, regretful, and having hatred towards that person. Realise that although your relationship with that person was unique and special in a lot of ways, all good things must come to an end.

No relationship is ever a failure if you manage to learn something about yourself from having gone through it all with your he-art open to both joy and pa-in. Just because it didn’t wo-rk out doesn’t mean it wasn’t a necessary part of your journey to becoming who you’re meant to be.