Confronting the one who is instigating anger, understanding their perspective and communicating properly, meditation or avoiding them, our readers offer solutions
Anger is a dangerous feeling which is caused by the ways we interpret and react to certain situations. Everyone has triggers that make them angry. Some common ones include situations in which we feel threatened, frustrated or powerless. Anger is a long chain that passes from one person to the other at high speed, like a virus. Irritation is also one of the common ways to get angry. But this endless chain makes even the wise ones lose their cool. Facing such a situation and being a mediator of peace is a hard time. I minimise the factors of anger with self-control, counselling oneself and the one who has been affected by it, meditation and encouraging the source of anger make peace.
— Tulip Gyawali, Minbhawan
Sometimes people get angry when they experience business loss, less profit, or when one is socially disrespected, et cetera. Trying to explain such situations when one is really angry and to calm such situations down is difficult. So in my perception one better be quiet in the very moment and wait till the angry side calms down.
Behaviour is a fundamental aspect to determine the character and personality of an individual. Neglecting this, some people unveil such unreasonable manners which naturally irritate or trouble other individuals nearby and sometimes, even the most placid persons lose their temper. As per my understanding and accountability to such situation, the best way to deal with annoying people is to limit ourselves from dealing with them. According to psychologist Marcia Reynolds, one should manage non-verbal behaviour, take a big breath, let it out slowly and focus on breathing comfortably, choose one word to anchor your mind until the need to react passes, and lastly regular rest and rejuvenation can also help in overcoming the wrong behaviour of unreasonably unfair people.
— Sajina Bhandari, Pokhara
In this journey of life, I have faced different critical situations which are not good. In one such incidence with my friend on intolerance, I tried to deal with the problem through proper communication, understanding and negotiation with him. I developed good and positive behaviour and helped him to present his ideas and feelings through healthy communication towards me.
— Kamal Aryal, Pokhara
Encountering difficult people in our lives whether it’s a negative companion/ally, an overbearing friend or a resentful/dissatisfied family member is common for every individual. Sometimes such a life situation could turn into a sad note of life. Knowing how to deal with these situations and such individuals is one of the subtler arts of communication. Not only do we have to know the right way to tackle each person based on their behaviour, we also have to deploy our response in a way that will diffuse rather than escalate the problem. And we need to do all this without rising to the bait or losing our cool. It’s not easy but it can be done and once you’ve mastered it, it will be a lifelong skill that will help you ignore the naysayers and stay in control, no matter what the situation is. Similarly, I am encountering the same situation, but I am trying to take such issues lightly in the hope that a day will come when everything will be as it was before.
— Bibit Kunwar Chhetri, Pokhara-5
Everyone gets angry when their expectations are not met, we might be unknowingly wrong and have put pressure on them. I faced it when there was a misunderstanding between me and my friend during examination — I did not notice him when he had called me from his seat. And when we were out of the examination hall, he scolded me and said I was not his friend. To tackle such a dispute and cool his anger, I requested him to ask the boy behind me whether he had heard him or not. At last he realised his fault and since then he has not talked with me in a loud voice.
— Janak Dahal, Pokhara
Sometimes the situation does not go according to our will which becomes the reason of our anger. I have also faced someone’s anger for no reason. But I do not take such things seriously because unfair anger always comes from worse circumstances that turn us into a person with bad mood and wild nature. I am a moody person and no one
is exactly perfect while it is environmental conditions that determine human moods and manners.
— Deepa Adhikari, Pokhara-6
Most of us behave based on our emotional outflow which somehow leads to anger. People often become angry with me when they do not understand what I say. I take it as a common phenomenon. People tend to judge others and scold but never realise their mistake. So, I try to tolerate their angry nature. But most often ask for opportunity to explain things. I have experienced it once — a person scolded me for giving non-vegetarian food to a vegetarian person. That was not my mistake. My job was to deliver and I think I did the best I could. I took this as a lesson for life after which I started moving on thinking that some have habit of getting angry without any good reasons. In such situation, try to control your anger. Never reply immediately but once you get good opportunity then definitely suggest them to control their anger. I only see positive things in everything. What we do not see is positivism in a mistake. I take a step to improve myself at every opportunity.
— Puja Silwal
I’m a short tempered person. I think my parents and mostly my friends irritate me. Usually I try to stay calm and control myself by remaining silent or try meditation. But when I lose my temper, I try to take the best revenge. Instead of being frustrated I irritate those people back. And their expression at the time is very funny.
When people get angry, negative attitude develops inside them. They get stuck with it and can’t think further. Hence, they will not understand the situation. So, it’s better to stay away from them as well as the situation. Somehow if we are part of such a situation, it’s necessary to keep quiet. If we even try to give our opinion, the hyper person will think we are against him. An unnecessary argument will take place. We should show maturity and let the situation cool down, and then go to them and talk about that situation and ask them what actually had happened. It is very important to make them comfortable — we cannot expect people to think, understand the situation and behave accordingly otherwise. People have different way of dealing the situations. So let’s handle the situation by showing some level of understanding.
— Shreya Pokharel
Anger is very common to all of us. We all are social beings, but each one of us is different and behave differently which cannot be changed. Sometimes these behaviours are unfair and unreasonable that we can’t stand it. Even the one who is always cool cannot tolerate it. I have faced a lot of problems and the solution for anger is way too simple if you take it positively. When someone angers you for no specific reason, first you stay calm; if s/he does not stop, gather some positive vibes about that person, and at last leave that place if nothing works. But quarrelling or fighting may worsen the situation. Later on we can talk after everything seems okay. These are some tips and tricks that can be applied when someone is bugging you. Follow it and try not to get angry.
— Arya Pokharel
Once I was travelling in the overcrowded local train of Kolkata. The train reached a station and scores of people jumped in the coach. And in that supreme chaos, people were tripping over one another. Now a young man started quarrelling with a middle-aged person accusing the latter of pushing him. But the middle-aged person made it known that he had not pushed and even if such a thing had happened, it was done inadvertently due to the chaos all around. Their debate continued for a long time. Suddenly the young man grabbed the collar of the middle-aged man, pushed and threatened him with dire consequences! Passengers of the whole train were maintaining stoic silence. After the young man completed his threats and abuses, now it was the time of the spectators to react! They started condemnation and called for peace, but fingers of all were pointing towards the middle-aged man! Nobody bothered to admonish the young man who dared to physically abuse the middle-aged man! At this point I lost my cool. How cowardly were they! Just because they feared the muscled young man, he was awarded an absolute clean chit and all fingers were pointing at the assaulted middle-aged man! This blatant hypocrisy of the coward was too much for me. I protested their double standard and defended the assaulted man. Thanks to my intervention, the passengers turned absolute silent and stopped rebuking the assaulted person.
— Kajal Chatterjee, India
We experience anger in many circumstances in our daily lives and it’s very important to know anger management. Anger becomes a problem when we express it in a way that harms ourselves or others. If we face the person who gets hyper, we can/cannot change them but we can learn to control our reaction. During my childhood I was short-tempered. In one instance someone scolded me without my mistake — I forgetting who was in front of me, I blurted out words. Slowly I realised how anger impacts relationships. I slowly started controlling my reaction.
We should not put our anger on display. Whenever such a situation
arises now, I go outside for a walk or ride or play with my kids and avoid such a situation. Now life is smoother than before.
— Raju Atal, Biratnagar
I behave in different ways with different people when they scold me for no good reason. Generally, I am angrier with people who know me very well and are familiar with me. I do not think my parents should be angry at me because they know me well and it does not hurt them since they have been facing me from my childhood. But it doesn’t mean I
behave with them rudely. But for unfamiliar people, I take no heed of them and their talks. Sometimes their unfair behaviours and thoughts trouble me but after some time I forget their behaviour. However, before facing all these problems, I judge myself — if I am correct or not. If I find myself wrong, I try my best not to repeat it.
— Bindika Pandey
When someone makes us angry without any reason, we should
not fight with them, rather we should tolerate it or just ask directly why s/he is irritating us without
any reason. We can also ignore them, but if it is a serious case, we must deal with it or report to our seniors
about it. Once when I was travelling by bus to Chabahill, I was next to a man who was about to get down. When he left, another man headed towards me and pushed me down on the floor to take his seat. Moreover that man was scowling at me
and I was angry with him. I thought that he was a man without humanity. After that I went to another seat and ignored him.
— Sayujya Khadka, Kupondol, Lalitpur
I feel really bad for someone who angers me for no reason. Sometimes, I feel like not talking to that person anymore and sometimes I do not like to see the person too or not obeying that person. However I try to make him apologise for his mistakes. I convince him not to be angry for simple matters.
— Laxmi Joshi
Our behaviour is the most essential part of our personality. The way we behave with others shows our personality. But sometimes our anger affects our behaviour so much that it becomes too difficult to control it. So, it is very essential to control our anger. I do not mean that
I never become angry. But I mean that I try my best to control my anger. I have had a few experiences when my anger has affected me a lot. Whenever I am angry with
anything or anyone, I try my best to remain silent in order to control my anger, and when my mind and my words are under control, I take
any initiative which I should take to tackle that situation. I do so because whenever we speak anything to anyone in an angry mood, then those words are not words which we really want to speak. So it is better to be mum than speak wrong.
— Sumit Jha
I can’t tolerate people ill-treating animals. If a dog barks, the owner beats it, and if a parrot tries to come out of its cage, the owner shouts at that parrot. On the streets, the stray dogs are thrown stones at.
I do not like animal beating. I cannot handle it and I quickly shout at
the owner, but my friend takes me away to cool me down. Also drinking water at that time is a good idea to handle my anger.
— Alok Karn, Shantinagar
A version of this article appears in print on October 08, 2017 of The Himalayan Times.