CREDOS: Soul in love — I

Thomas Moore answers a girl’s question which reads: Several days after meeting a man and getting his phone number, I found out that his girlfriend had passed away about a month or so prior to our meeting. We dated, and I noticed at times that he would withdraw/shut down, but I didn’t know what was going on. It was a little frustrating, but now I understand that he was grieving. At one time I did ask him if he felt guilty because of the feelings he has for me. And his answer was yes. Our relationship has slowed down, but we both still have feelings for one another. I have my own issues because I am divorced and still transitioning from that as well. So the slow-down was okay with me. I know grieving is a different process for everyone, but how long do I wait?

Answer: Your question contains a few hints about what’s going on and what you could do. It sounds as though there are some gaps between you and your friend. Apparently he wasn’t forthcoming about an important event in his life — the death of his girlfriend. And you seem content to do a lot of waiting. Yet you, too, have something of substance to talk about — your divorce. I know that you probably don’t want to base your relationship on death and divorce, but you could include these issues in your conversation. If these matters are there between you, why not talk them through together? There is a lot of life to be lived between you, but you could give the past some attention without overdoing it. —