 Being a girl, it’s very difficult to live in this society because people simply judge you on the things you love to do. I love to travel but I can’t do this because my parents are strict because the society will judge me. They wouldn’t allow me to travel freely as I am a girl unlike my brother who can do whatever he wants. And this has stopped me from learning.

— Naina

 I love being myself and getting occupied in the things I like. Doing things on my own gives me satisfaction which I wouldn’t get when I start thinking about other’s judgement. I never care about what people say on my internal matters. Everyone has the right to live and the right to choose the way of living. But equal concerns should be given on not violating social norms and values, and not to disturb the peace of the family, society and country.

— Bhawana Poudel Bhattarai, Mid Baneshwor

 I’m a social animal. So some people are directly or indirectly watching my activities. Not all of them are criticising my activities, some of them motivate me as well. Truly speaking people having positive approach affects me somehow because I want to prove myself. On the other hand, I just ignore those people who are just nosy. In a nutshell, judgement of people affects the activities of any individuals. If there is no one to judge my activities, I would be more focused on my work, my career goal and I wouldn’t hesitate to take bold decisions.

— Kamal Kumar Khadka, Ganjra-2, Kundali, Achham

 Most of the people follow society’s rules and regulations. They live their life as what their society wants them to live. They live for the society and not for themselves. We were born free but societies divided us into small units like atoms. For instance Madeshi, Pahadi, Himali, Newar, Bahun, Tharu, Tamang et cetera. And they have own beliefs and culture. So, they want us to follow their narrow ways. Many people judge me to be like them, act like them and think like them. But I don’t follow their ways. I do what I like and what I believe in. If I do wrong, I will learn from my mistakes. This is my life and I will run my life on my own terms.

— Nirajan Shrestha, Nayabazar

 Judgement might be criticism, appreciation or the rooms for improvements. There is no doubt that every individual loves being appreciated and I’m not an exception. And very few of us easily accept criticism. We rarely like to be criticised. Everything you do, every little things you attempt, you are directly and indirectly judged. Many people fear of being judged and hence prevent themselves from doing things they love. I personally think, having fear for this kind of fear and hesitation is not good. I believe, one should attempt for every little thing they love and everything they enjoy. In my case, I too get judged for everything I do, from my parents, relatives, friends, teachers, neighbours and even from strangers. I know judgement are not always favourable and appreciated. Many times you get criticism but it’s up to you how you take it. I jump with joy, and get overwhelmed when I am appreciated. Many times criticism annoys me but that doesn’t affect me any longer. I let it go, but if there’s something I can improve on, I wouldn’t think twice to find out my shortcomings and I try to do better next time for better outcome. Other’s judgement affects me to some extent but their judgement is not really going to obstruct me to do things I love and prevent me to take a step forward. I think other’s judgement are not stronger than my love for doing anything out of my passion, determination and decision. I believe in myself and carry things accordingly.

— Sandhya Dangol, Kumaripati, Lalitpur

 People’s judgement can commonly be envisioned in any backgrounds in this globe, which is supposed to have both pros and cons. I am also judged in many situations but this enhances my calibre. For instance, somebody judges my studies. Consequently, I am compelled to study harder so as to obtain the best grade in my examination.  When people do not judge, my progress might be halted to an extent.

— Arjun Babu Dauliya, Balaju-16

 People say that nobody has the right to judge people but it’s ironic as to how false and hypocrite it sounds because “judging” is a human nature. People can never stop stating their opinions on anything. But judgement are to be stated when asked or needed. And there are opinions that matter to us coming from the people who mean a lot to us whilst there are people who don’t care about being judged. And there are many people who fear being judged by others hence preventing themselves from doing things they love. I am one of those people who fear being judged. People’s judgement affects me and how I do things. It makes me feel insecure. Being judged is inevitable but if nobody were to judge me, I would have done things differently. I would follow my dreams, speak my mind freely, wear clothes I love and do most of the things my way. Maybe I’d even be an extrovert and socialise more with people. I wouldn’t care about my looks or body. Being a girl, I would never feel embarrassed about menstruation cycle and feel awkward staining seats or sheets.

— Evasana Pradhan, Boudha Pipal Bot, Kathmandu

 Passing of judgement and opinion is a common thing in our society. We are living in such kind of society where we are compelled to consider the view of other people before doing anything in the way we want. In my case, if nobody would judge me for the things I do, then I being a girl would like to ride a VR bike keeping my father on the pillion, and drop him to his work place. Why should boys have all the fun? I would like to go for a long bike journey with my friends, wear a leather studded jacket, ornaments and do some bike stunts. This would definitely give me a sense of freedom and happiness.

— Kushma Poudel

 There are different types of judgement. Positive judgement are that we can accept. If it’s negative and totally wrong, I think it’s worthless and waste of time to prove and explain to people what we are and we should just let it go.

— Jeena Karki, Biratnagar

 Judgement made by people certainly depends on their perspectives. Perspectives of people can vary as per their mindsets and personalities. For me, judgement made by people affects in some way. To remember my bygone days, my English teacher passed a remark on me, saying, “I am good in nothing” although I stood second in the class. This psychologically affected me. After completing my Masters in English, I asked him about the remark. He was completely ignorant about his judgement. This makes apparent how far I take other’s judgement personally. If I knew that nobody would judge me, I would enjoy everything I do. It also affects your zest of doing things you love. These days, even though I could not forget my teacher’s words; I have started to ignore any remark passed about me that gives negative energy. I believe in doing my deeds in my way although people judge me. Their verdict does not matter to me. Believing in me is the most important thing as it is me who is living my life and not them.

— Anonymous

 Judgement of others affects people’s performance because we think what other people are thinking. For example if we accidentally fall on the road, the first thing that we do is, we look around if people are watching us. Then only we look at our body if there is any wound or not. This mindset couldn’t change because it is planted in our veins. Also, judging people affects the way we work because we do things to show others, as what they think really matter to us. If nobody judges us, then the Nepali society would be developed.

— Sailesh Ojha

 I have always been an outspoken and self-reliant person throughout my life. At 26, I am on the verge of completing my post graduate study in Nursing. Never have I ever pulled myself back from doing anything that I have wished for. Being the single child to my parents has made things easier. But we have a social system of getting your daughter married in a right age, though right marriageable age is written nowhere. In my case, I seem to be hitting the critical age as per that theory. Every time I visit home, my family is concerned about my marriage and say that it is getting late for

marriage and wouldn’t find any good guy later. But all I want is to complete my studies and be financially independent before I think of marriage.

So, if I had no fear of people judging me, I would focus completely on my career and my studies right now. I would tell my parents I don’t want to burden them with my wedding expenses, rather I shall earn and save it for myself. Neither would I pressurise the person I love to convince his family soon and visit my parents to talk about our marriage, when he himself is a student too.

— Astha Thapa, Dharan

 The fear of being judged is more or less present inside each one of us. The social norms and values we were taught, the right and wrong society claims, the constant do this or don’t do that have led the fear of being judged plant deep enough to prevent us from chasing our dreams. When you do something or in fact anything, the fear does its own job consciously or sub-consciously. I am 16 years old and so far, the decisions I have made and the things I did seem to be less affected by the fear. But I believe that if there was nothing such as being judged, I would have learned to follow my intuition and listen to what my heart says more. It is true that this deep rooted fear has led us to make our dreams, aspirations squeeze inside a tiny little box that is labelled as ‘possible’ by the society.

— Lhakpa Choedon Lama

 Judgement is something that most of the people love to do, but we forget that an imperfect person cannot judge another imperfect person. It’s just god who has the right to do so, not human beings. And this thought in my head helps me have fewer effects from other’s judgement and opinions.

— Rachel Tamang, Thaiba, Lalitpur

 I am what others want to see, not what I want to be. I am an elated person and I fear being judged by others. If nobody would judge me, I would do all the things in my carte blanche. I would be the master of my will though I have not been now. I would dress my way, eat in my style and represent the true me. Of course, I would not be delimited in the expectations of others. I would pursue my passion and paint the tapestry of my mind with my own colours of imaginations. Had nobody judged me, I would have been a different me.

— Himanshu Jha, Lalitpur

 Fear is a natural human condition. None of us ever want to experience fear or have it as a part of our lives. And we keep on living our life being aware of what other may say, and pretend to be happy. If we feel so, the key of our happiness is on other’s hand. However, when it happens, we have to be ready to face the fear head on. Although, we cannot control what others think of us, we can certainly control how we feel about ourselves. Self-love and confidence are the keys. We cannot have one without the other. Once we have learn how to have a healthy balance between the two, what others say and think about us becomes irrelevant to who we are and our journey towards personal growth. As a social being obviously I also have fear of being judged to some extent. If I knew nobody were to judge me, I would start doing what I  would love to do.

— Samita Magar, Bhaktapur

 When we try to do something new, there are people who inspire us and there are also who discourage us. If we want to do something from bottom of our heart we must do it irrespective of what people think of us. Good people and well wishers always support us help to achieve our goal easily. This will make us happy and we are more devoted to work. On the other hand there are some who judge us, find faults and try to scare us with the difficulties. They even backbite about us and weaken us. As I am emotionally strong and determined, I just ignore the people who try to judge me without having much knowledge about me. But sometimes it may also be good to listen to them and rethink about the mistake or weakness they have found about us to correct them. This ultimately makes me stronger. People who tries to judge me in the right way, I appreciate them and who judge me in wrong way I simply ignore them.

— Suraj, Swayambhu

 As an introvert and egoist person, I just give in to the situation by listening and following to my heart no matter what other people say about me. That’s why; other’s opinions can never have any effect on my behaviour and attitude. The fear of other people’s judgement on us and the difference it makes in our performance is just an outcome of negative self-esteem and lack of self-belief. I am what I am. I just don’t care what other people think of me and they won’t distract me from reaching my worthy goal. I am not afraid of taking hasty decisions that may give a nasty shock to my closed and loved ones. However, their frightful reactions do not alter my path. We all know about a humorous story of an old man, his son and a donkey. What happens when they listen to the critics? It only results to disappointment and mental chaos. Hence, it’s better to have a positive self-esteem and self-belief for viable outcomes. One must realise that no one can make you feel inferior without your consent.

— Sanjog Karki,Tansen-6, Basantapur, Palpa

 It really affects me when other people judge me and the way I do things. Whether they say something good or bad about me, it just creates negative thoughts in my mind and that hinders me from concentrating on my work. Even though when somebody compliments me on my achievements and work, I automatically feel uncomfortable — I wonder whether they are cordially praising me or just out of jealousy. Hence, I do not want to be judged by others.

— Anonymous

 We can find many types of people in our society. Many people have habit to judge and criticise other people. They judge them whether they are good or bad. When we do bad things, then also they criticise us, and we are criticised when we do good things. For me it doesn’t matter whether people judge me or not. I do the things which make me happy and according to my choice and wish. I don’t care about others

because for me, my inner judgement is greater to me. If we are happy and satisfied with our things, we don’t have to give importance to other’s perception.

— Sonika Lamichhane

 People’s judgement doesn’t affect me anymore! I used to fear being judged but I guess I am who I am now. Yet I would do some things differently if I knew nobody would judge me. Maybe the way I interact with some people would be different. I may not be that open with everyone because I know that someone would be watching me and criticising the way I talk. I used to fear being judged when I danced but I have realised it’s human nature to judge other people.

— Sachita Shrestha, Jadibuti

 There’s no gain saying the fact that different people react differently in case of being assessed. The reaction might differ in terms of who the evaluator is. As far as I am concerned, I’d rather be judged and assessed by my superiors, experts as well as my peers. This kind of event acts as an incentive and impetus. It acts as an encouragement as well. It serves as an incentive in my job as a teacher. Experts watching and observing me perform in my classroom in front of my pupils or students add to my enthusiasm and concentration. This encourages me to give my best and be ready to face similar challenges in my career in future, too. On the other hand, knowing that there’s nobody to judge me and my performance, makes me lose the spice or inspiration. When we are on our own, we might feel less stressed, but more carefree and off-guard.

— Gopal Shrestha, Parijat Path, Hetaunda-4

 Since we live in a human society, we are all exposed to different positive experiences as well as social prejudices that are often difficult to cope with; being judged by others is one such social challenge. Personally I have been impacted with the challenge of being judged. But with maturity I have realised to certain extent that it is possibly our own inability to accept some of our personal choices in life. Because no one could impact our life by judging us unless we offer them the central stage to do so and accept to live as victims of social prejudices. However, if there has been no challenge of being judged socio-culturally, I would love to extend my help and support to various marginal communities of our society such as sex workers, social destitute, drug addicts, HIV patients, members of LGBT community who are socially ostracised. Keeping any association with such marginal communities are always viewed with subtle

negative connotation in any society and nation across the globe. I sincerely believe that if we are able to overcome such fear of being judged by others in the society; we could transform ourselves as much better citizens capable of extending stronger support

and express empathy publicly for several marginal communities living and sharing our society with severe discrimination.

— Saikat Kumar Basu

 Yes, other people’s judgement does affect me. I can’t seem to be myself and I can’t work freely when I feel that I am being judged by others. I feel that I’ll be judged when I am about to do the things that have been restricted by the society for girls. If I weren’t judged, I would go to gym, play football, go trekking alone, go against the society’s useless norms and values; and do everything that are meant only for

the boys.

— Anonymous

 What other people think of you is none of your business. You got to do things which you deem necessary in your life. Although some suggestions from your elders or seniors are worth taking into account, you should not refrain yourself from those activities that define you. Being who you are and not pretending because of the fear of other’s is the best feeling. Hence, people’s judgement don’t affect me much; they might hurt you or make you happy for a moment or so but it fades away eventually and all you are left is with your own judgement!

— Sagina Maharjan, Patan

QUESTION OF THE WEEK

Post the devastating earthquake of 2015, everyone — the government, those who have visited the country, and others — is saying that Nepal is still a safe destination for tourism.  Which place of Nepal do you like the most as a tourist destination? And why do you think this particular place is safe to visit? Explain why.

­Send your replies in not more than 200 words by Friday, June 17 by 2:00 pm to Features, The Himalayan Times, e-mail: features@thehimalayantimes.com