Make marriages a celebration, not burden

Attending marriage parties are really fun for we get to meet our near and dear ones. But hosting a marriage party is not really an easy affair from any angle.

Recently, I visited a grand marriage party and was wondering how lavish and extravagant marriages are becoming both in terms of the number of guests and the amount of money spent. However, from the perspective of a host, distributing the invitation cards to the relatives and friends who are residing far and near is really tedious. You struggle to make a long list of guests whom the cards need to be dropped much before the due date. Despite all this, you tend to miss out inviting some people. And on the D-day you sweat to welcome and make them feel welcomed. After all this you hear a lot of dissatisfaction from someone or the other.

— Sushil Bogati, Gagyata, Mahalaxmi Municipality, Lalitpur

I recently attended a wedding ceremony of my friend who tied the knot on December 15. It was an inter-caste marriage, which I have always appreciated. Bride’s family had managed one car and one bus to reach the house of the groom. They could have managed another bus to reach there, if there was no fuel problem. Due to lack of space in the bus people sat on the roof. I took another public bus and reached to attend the ceremony.

In current situation families of groom and bride managed the ceremony in such a way that it did not create difficulties. They managed everything economically. Family of the bride belonged to upper class whereas groom’s family belonged to middle class. My friend, in an agreement to get married, had said that he did not need anything except the bride.

His act discouraged the dowry system. I appreciated this gesture. People should conduct marriage ceremonies according to their economic status.

—   YP Sapkota, Lokanthali, Bhaktapur

Recently I attended a wedding ceremony of one of my intimate friends, Anzu in Kathmandu. That ceremony has been the most memorable one for me. Despite the petroleum products’ shortage, that event seemed as if everything was normal. Food items were prepared in firewood after quiet a struggle. Also transportation facility was well-managed by buying fuel at high price.

To pave the way for ending such a hassle during any wedding ceremony, one needs to believe in a philosophy of ‘not to make the simpler task even more complicated’. Needless to say, it’s an irresponsible act to flaunt one’s financial status when the entire country is plunged in chaos.

— Sanjog Karki, Tansen-6, Palpa

For me the ideal marriage celebrations will be matrimonial arrangements and alliances between feuding ethnic communities in Nepal for respecting, understanding and rediscovering our strength in one another. Being closely related to different communities, we have to redefine our socio-cultural sensitivities and our so called regional identities and learn to be inclusive and pluralistic in attitude like advanced democratic nations.

​— Saikat Kumar Basu, Lethbridge, Canada

No one forgets his/her marriage ceremony then how can I? The best wedding ceremony is my marriage. It was a great celebration meeting with my old friends whom I had invited. I danced a lot. It was really new and a great experience. There were more than 40 foods items and those delicious dishes added more to the celebration. We had a wedding photo shoot too. It truly was an unforgettable moment.

— Abhinay Jayaswal, Baneshwor, Kathmandu

I was informed a few days before this particular wedding ceremony that took place on December 4 at Hyatt Regency, Kathmandu. The wedding was of Mr Donyod Legthong and sister Pemma Yangzom. As we have been brought up in a conservative society, we did not want to make any changes in the age-long culture and tradition. I was given the responsibility of handling the anchoring desk and I had to announce all the programmes according to the schedule.

In Dolpo and particularly in Tibetan tradition, we consider groom as the host and bride as the guest. Host has to manage all the activities. At 2:00 pm, we sent three cars and 15 bikes and scooties with beautiful embellishment of different good luck scarves and flowers. Traditions took its course and it was time for the bride and groom to share rings and just then the groom pecked on the bride’s cheek. Coming from a conservative society this was surprising, but it is nice to see things progressing with time.

— Pemma Wangchen, Upper Dolpo Saldang, Dolpa, Nepal

I have a fresh memory of a wedding ceremony that I attended in Kathmandu recently. To attend such a party was a good experience for me because I thought about enjoying my life during that time. Although I am uncertain about whether I will attend other future wedding ceremonies or not, what I can say for sure is that I gave good company to my father so that he did not feel alone.

I have not been able to attend weddings because my paternal grandmother, whom I am taking care of, is keeping unwell due to old age.

— Pratik Shrestha, Buddhanagar, Baneshwor

Recently I attended a wedding ceremony of my friend’s brother in Dhading, which was the most exciting experience I have ever experienced. The wedding destination was quite far so it made me feel fantastic attending the wedding in a village and seeing their culture. I got an opportunity to learn about the wedding process of a different

place. Their love and respect for me is an unforgettable moment and I feel proud to be a Nepali because we follow such ritual and culture, which makes us different from other countries.

The only thing to keep in mind is — people ought to change the mindset of copying the marriage ceremonies of the aristocrats. According to our budget and capacity we have to host a wedding. Or else the ceremony will only be a hassle and not a celebration.

— Sonika Lamichhane

Wedding and wedding seasons are always special in its own way where we create lots of new memories. It is the beginning of a new life for the bride and groom and a new avenue to create new relationship with a new family. Recently I attended one of my friends’ brother’s wedding along with my other friends. The venue was far from our house so we opted to go in a taxi. The driver asked us for higher fare as he had to buy petrol in the black market. Keeping the current situation in mind, instead of wasting our time, we bargained with him and he dropped us to the venue which was an unexpected but memorable incident to remember.

Along with loads of fun and beautiful memories, wedding also creates a lot of hassle especially to the host family. Dowry system is one cause of hassle. And functions that are in trend these days like Mehendi, Sangeet, pre-wedding photo shoots, reception et cetera create another hassle where the host family spends more than they can afford. Thus, such things need to be changed.

— Tejaswi Pahari, Jawalakhel, Lalitpur

Unfortunately, this year I didn’t get any wedding invitation from my relatives and friends. But, last year’s wedding ceremony is still fresh in my mind.

It was my maternal uncle’s wedding ceremony. I was excited about it. Most of them were present with their beautiful wives and handsome husbands. We were heading from Satungal to Bafal in a bus and some had their private vehicles.

With the melodious tune of Panche Baja we reached the bride’s home decorated with mesmerising colourful lights. We danced, played cards, and watched the wedding function. One of our old friends Shalendra was also there. This was the first time I tried white wine. These are some fractions of that memorable wedding celebration.

— Saroj Wagle, New Baneshwor, Kathmandu

Wedding, a ceremony, bonds not only two persons but two and more families together. Though people may have different perspective on marriage, it has its own significance. Everybody is excited in his/her wedding. Different customs have changed, but its values are still the same. The present scenario reflects the unnecessary showbiz in the marriage events. People are being invited in the marriages/ parties and an unknown competition is prevalent. We realise this is the place where we flaunt our clothes and ornaments. Also dowry system is still continuing, but in a different form, which should be stopped completely.

— Asit Baral, Pokhara

Nepalis are spending a lot of money nowadays on their marriages. This is not a good trend because people have started competing with each other for spending money and showing off. Recently I visited a marriage ceremony, and I was surprised to see hundreds of people attending the party. I was thinking how much crowded marriage parties are becoming. Not only this, since all the people cannot be treated equally and given enough time, they may even get angry and the relation can become bitter. Sometimes, rivalry among the guests even ends up in verbal or physical assault. And the happiest moments can end up in sad note.

— Yesh Koriral, Kaushaltar- 15, Bhaktapur

Weddings seem so extravagant these days than in the past. Lots of ornaments are made compulsory, which makes modern marriages spendthrift. This has made the marriage a burden mainly to low and middle class families. We are forgetting our culture and been replacing traditions with something else. Band Baja is prioritised than Panche Baja. If we could terminate these sorts of haughty trends, we would certainly establish a wedding as a wonderful ceremony of uniting two souls as one.

— Manish Paudel, Katari 10, Udaypur

Seeing how weddings are in the present context, I feel there should be a slight change in wedding ceremonies. As marriage is a harmonious function it should not create hassle in society. Excessive amount of drinking alcohol and late night dancing party in hilarious music should be changed. I mean surely there must be dancing in parties, but not to an extent to disturb others living in the vicinity. Or they should create a sound proof dancing hall or find alternative solution.

— Sanjok Gurung, Kapan, Kathmandu

Attending marriage ceremonies provides an opportunity to have a wonderful time with our family, relatives, and neighbours with delicious food. The system of marriage varies according to different religions and cultures. I have attended various marriage ceremonies held by different religious and cultural groups. I had fantastic moments in every wedding function I attended. According to my observation, generally in marriage ceremony, women are dressed in beautiful attires and men are in formal wear. Although the wedding rituals of all religions of our country have countless positive aspects, there are a few practices that are bizarre — For example, the bride drinking water from the groom’s washed feet, comparing horoscope charts, and sisters-in-law hiding groom’s shoes demanding unnecessary sum of money. Such bad practices should be eliminated as soon as possible because, there is no connection between someone drinking water from other’s feet and good fortune and so forth. If these practices were absolutely true then there would be no divorce and fight between the couple who followed this particular tradition.

— Sar Kumar Pun, Pokhara

One wedding ceremony was the best because there are lots of memories attached as it was my friend’s wedding. But there were people who did not care about the celebration and blessing the newly-wed. They were only bothered about eating and drinking, which created a little friction. This is the problem in most parties. And this needs to be changed and before that people’s mindset need to change.

— Saif Ali

Recently I attended my uncle’s marriage ceremony on December 13. I was very excited to be a part of that ceremony but after reaching to the party I was very disappointed because of the flamboyant people. In the present context, the fuel crisis has gripped everyone, but in the ceremony that I attended, most of the people arrived with big and

expensive cars which are one of the reasons that created shortage of fuel.

Secondly, there are a lot of items and dishes of foods that were relished in this time of crisis of cooking gas. This was not enough when all the ladies began showing off their ornament and clothes. I had worn a simple high neck and pants so I felt ashamed to be a part of this ceremony. Yes, this is one of the memorable marriage ceremonies that I have attended till now which reminds me, my place. Is it necessary to show off what we have? Can’t we celebrate any occasion with simple function?

— Ruby Shrestha, Bouddha-6

The month of Mangsir is all about weddings and parties. And you cannot ignore those beauties you see passing by in the evening to attend the fabulous wedding parties and receptions. I also have attended memorable wedding parties that are worth being remembered. My overwhelming experience wad during one wedding that I attended last week — my friend’s brother’s wedding. Everything was just perfect and so pleasant. I was wondering how Nepalis love eating food, being fashionable and in this time of scarcity nothing seemed to scare them. Everything seemed normal. I let my surprises be and enjoyed like any teenager. I also realised that no matter what the situation, you cannot change it, you either adapt to it or you create opportunities on

your own.

Keeping our traditions in mind, we ought to be somehow modern and create a marriage that lights up hearts and brings smiles on the faces. Our happiness and enjoyment must not affect the need and sleep of our neighbours, also enjoyment should not be limited to drinking alcohol like a fish, which can only

create havoc.

— Kabita Oliya, Kalopul, Kathmandu