MIDWAY: A Bane of existence
Taking things lightly has become the bane of my life. This is not a thing borne out of a fervid imagination. What this means is a constant pressure to behave and think according to ones age and experience.
Even in the worst of times I lull my senses into an acceptance of the status quo. Not to do so would be to backfire upon my lighter side. The question arises, how do I get on with a life full of jocularity? For I do not care a fig what happens to me so long as I am in control of my faculties.
To elaborate on what is a pain in the neck does me no good. Verily to give justice to what I am calls for a re-alignment and becoming stricter with myself. Try as I might this is no mean thing and I fail to meet the desired standards. I look around me at every individual whilst inside I am fit to burst with glee and laughter.
My relations with others is one of exasperation since there is no bond. Neither do I have a circle of friends nor do I have contacts. And I dance to my tune without due thought to the consequences. Far be it for me to give credence to what the morrow may bring because I have no hidden agenda or contingency plans.
As I move jauntily along my thoughts neither sadden or gladden me. Because I am a child of the universe fit to acknowledge the things that are and not to be duly impressed. The trials of today can only give way to that of the days to come. In this preoccupation with self there is no harkening of life as it manifests itself.
I know without anyone telling me that a bit of contemplation should be the thing to do. But just the opposite happens. Just that it has become such an ingrained habit that I give scant notice to what is about to transpire.
However, the thought strikes me whenever I am bemused. But this meets only with a half-hearted attempt and even before I know it I am back to square one. The lighter side of myself is either jostling or getting the upper hand so I am left in the lurch. Although I have grown old I have retained a childlike naivety and am full of wonder.
This is a second nature and there is no getting away. Much as I hate to admit it — tolerance to it is the only thing possible. Meaning I have to consider what an association has to do with it. In the end I have only myself to blame.
My life is a charade full of a false bravado. The crux of the matter is somehow missing, leaving a void emptied of all that is meaningful and relevant. Lest I forget let me add a footnote for this is not a confession just passing thoughts and should not be taken as anything else.