MIDWAY: Marital tiffs

We can safely say that there is no relationship which is without its fair share of quarrels, arguments and heated exchanges — unless people are willing to subdue their personalities and egos to avoid confrontations. Marital life is no exception. Man and wife often fight like cats and dogs. After all when two individuals, usually from different backgrounds are thrown together, situations fraught with discord are bound to occur. Marital tiffs can often cause serious damage to the relationship. Constant bickerings can stem affection between the couple, leading to cold war, or worse still, a separation or even divorce. The discord can strain the atmosphere in the house and cause grave damage to the children’s psyche. It is almost impossible to lead a harmonious life with one’s spouse forever. It is also unnatural and unhealthy for a spouse to always maintain calm to avoid confrontation. This would mean that one of the partners, usually the wife, suppressing her desire, opinions and feelings to toe her spouse’s line.

Enforced docility is therefore harmful. It breeds bitterness which may lead to psychosomatic ailments like depression, asthma, hypertension and diabetes. It is better to give vent to your feelings than nursing a grudge. However, some rules should be observed to ensure smooth sailing. One should accept that your spouse is not your foe who has to be forced to eat humble pie. When you fight with your spouse over some issue, one of you has to win and the other lose. Ideally, every spat should end up in a win-win situation — a feeling that you have made your point and not been humiliated or disgraced. Immediate apology is the best option. Being dogmatic will only add fuel to fire. A simple, sincere: “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it” will serve as a soothing balm. Most of us never forget the wrongs committed by our spouses. In fact, these quarrels are times to deal with our past grievances. To avoid such a situation, both parties should let bygones be bygones. Last but not the least, it is necessary for the children to see their parents patch up. Forgiveness is, therefore, the key to avert squabbles and remain blissfully married.