Sudiksha Joshi

Time passes so quickly. But there were those moments when time stood still, such as when waiting for the results or a friend at a meeting point. When I look back at all the 24 years that have passed by, I feel I can relive them in a flash.

I know, tiresome and long is the journey ahead, the journey into the unknown. There are so many dreams, aspirations and fears: studies, career, marriage and social responsibilities. Each passing day seems to have a bit less to offer than what I have planned. And time is running out.

While at work, there are so many reports to write, so many people to coordinate with, so many relations to foster and so many ideas to generate. Then while I have some free time, there are so many people to meet with, friends and relatives.

To add to it there are decisions to be made: stick to the same job or opt for other venues; tell parents that I am not ready to get married; arranged or love marriage.

While at home I am jumbled up in these very questions and feel irritated when they talk to me about it. I keep quite and leave for a peaceful place or hang out with my buddies who share similar dilemmas. When I’m back at my work and call my parents up, they are ever so eager and ready to help and are wishing for my success. But it is an unsettling thought that I have forgotten to think of those who think that my dreams are their dreams, my well-being their well-being too.

They have built their world around me and take every care that I achieve my dream and happiness. I have seen their eyes twinkling with tears of joy and pride when I received an award. They have been there for me whenever I wanted them and on those moments when I didn’t know that I needed them. But they knew that they had to be there for me for which I am eternally thankful.

And now here I am, thinking of me and myself. I tend to forget what impact my decisions will have on their lives. These are the times when I feel bad for acting stupid. But when I’m all by myself, I easily slip into my little world of self-concern. I keep silent as opening up would hurt me more.

I pray to god, “Please keep them safe for they are the lights of my life even if I tend to overlook them. And that they continue to be the guiding light as usual.”