MIDWAY : Using my judgment
Judgment is the conclusion arrived at after observing the facts. But this premise hardly stands out in my case. With the result that nothing substantial is achieved in my line of thinking. So I happen to lose out altogether because I do not use my judgment. This is a sad state of affairs as I can only vouchsafe. And says much for my condition, mentally speaking. So, I tend to misuse the cognitive faculties, which I was born into and erudite learning developed thence. This means that time is wasted in trivial pursuits when I should have been occupied.
At times my pent-up feelings give due expression because I am not on the right track. My mind instead of ticking along does not seem to budge. Instead of using my thoughts for introspection and analysis, I tread another path. And all this muddling about does me no good. All the while my little self is against what I deem to be my better judgment. But it has its limits and cannot function without my say so and thus I am left at wit’s end. Far be it for me to judge and evaluate my actions taken in all good faith. Wha-tever the same self acknowledges what is after all an intrusion into private domain.
Judging for myself carries weight and authority as if I was inclined and no more. Perhaps this is why my mental make-up goes aga-inst this proceeding. And leaves me floundering at the deep end. Call this a conspiracy that bodes no good as far as consideration of the status quo is concerned.
To my mind there is nothing like judging values for its sake. But I am woefully lacking in this department. There is naught to do save try to come to a reckoning of sorts and hope that it holds up. Even though its made more so by its incompleteness. Therefore, my subjective self is no match when held up for scrutiny.
At this point my penchant for going against everything of worth takes place. And in doing so, set myself up for criticism without anything to cheer me up. I assume that the values, which I hold dear, will not wither and die out due to sheer ignorance. Coming as it does this tho-ught nothing that merits se-lf-evaluation will transpire. To be sure this thinking can only be an avowal of a firebrand self. When the judgment faculties are lost, there is little one can do since it leaves one in self-doubt and nursing a low self esteem.