“Why don’t I phone her to know where the green tea is kept? No, I should not call her. I must find it myself.”

It was what I was debating with myself while I was in the kitchen to prepare three cups of green tea last Monday. After the ‘to ask or not to ask’ debate, I found the green tea in 10 minutes. I felt lucky that I didn’t have to call my spouse, who daily performs the kitchen works.

It may be quite worrying and interesting to some if I reveal my foible that I don’t participate in the kitchen work cooking meals, washing dishes, and cleaning rooms. But I felt I should not conceal it any more when I realized the need of skills for kitchen work.

It does not mean I’m very bad at cooking, but I am knowingly and unknowingly ignoring my duty at the kitchen thereby giving more burden to my spouse.

Yes, it has been nearly two decades since I have been living in the capital city - sometimes with my relatives and sometime with junior brothers.

So, I most often escaped the kitchen work. Moreover, I continuously relished the dishes my spouse prepared daily but did not help her in the kitchen. In the initial years of marriage, she used to complain to me for my non-cooperation in culinary department.

But after some years, she knew my laziness, ignorance and indifference to it and stopped seeking support; and built herself pugnacious.

Recently, she had to go out of the Kathmandu Valley for an unavoidable task. I was left to care for my sick mother  administer her medicine and serve the required food from time to time.

So, I had no option but to prepare myself for these tasks. But entering into the kitchen for this, it obviously took me more time, and, most importantly, all the kitchen utensils teased me. I boiled the tea and prepared the meal though in an awkward way.

Generally, it does not take more than one and half hours to prepare tea and morning meals, but it took me more than that.

The revelation is, was it not the reflection of the patriarchal mindset? This is a story of mine, but may intrigue you too as it represents the state of many of us Nepali males.

Are we males not responsible for changing this mindset? Does cooking make us lesser men? With this incident, I’ve decided to cook meals at least twice a week. What about you?