Get a life, girl!’

n I am a 17-year-old girl and my problem is that I am shy and unsocial. I don’t like parties neither dating as they demand a great deal of interaction. I do not talk much and have very few friends. My shy and unsocial behaviour has made me lose my confidence and I cannot confront the opposite gender. I must tell you though that I am good in my studies, come from a good family background, am good and interested in sports and have a wish to pursue higher studies and want to have a career in life. Please suggest how I can change myself a little and carve myself a social life.

— Shy Girl

Dear Shy Girl,

Not everyone is an extrovert. Your unwillingness to spend time on the socialization process could signal that you are an introvert. Most introverts suffer from a classic lack of self confidence. Being good in studies and sports is already a plus point. Now you have to focus on confidence building measures that will give your personality an extra dimension. It is normal for people have their own likes and dislikes. You have stated that you don’t enjoy parties or dating boys. That is alright. To carve your social life you need to start with little things. First you need to go out with your friends and your classmates in a group, which includes boys. Once you start feeling comfortable going out with them you will be fine. It is time you learnt to be comfortable with your peers. Even when you have a career, you will need to be comfortable with your peers. So open up, nobody is asking you to pretend to be what you are not. Stop living in a goldfish bowl, watching your own bubbles circle you. Learn to share your ups and downs with your friends. Friendships enrich and enhance your life’s experience and communication skills .

Enemy in the army!

I am in love with an angel! I liked her since the day I saw her but I had no means to communicate with her. In this case, I know her mother and brother well enough but she barely knows me other than my name. She has become my inspiration and motivation. It has come to my notice that her marriage has been fixed to an armyman, so I wrote to her proposing to her but I fear rejection as her fiancé holds an edge over me and I am doing my BBS now. What can I do now?

— Hopeful

Dear Hopeful,

I am flabbergasted that you have already shot off a proposal letter to your unsuspecting angel!!! Isn’t this being presumptuous? It’s wonderful that she has inspired you but from what you have revealed she is blissfully oblivious to the multiple facets of your personality. She ONLY knows your name. Remember that you are not marrying her mother or brother. Have you proposed to her because you feel you are saving her from marrying an armyman? Do you think she does not know more than the army man’s name? You will be lucky man if she accepts your proposal. The problem is how will you support yourself when you have not even completed your BBS? Be realistic. If she rejects your proposal respect her decision: surely  you do not want to complicate things for her family and her. Focus on finishing your studies and getting that “edge” in your career... .this can only enhance your prospects the next time round.

Friend in need

My girlfriend is having problems, she has been living with her uncle and aunt for four years now as she couldn’t stay in her own house because she couldn’t get along with her sister-in law, now she has problems at her uncle’s, too. Her uncle can’t be argued with as he has hypertension and this is burdening her mind. I want to help her by marrying and supporting her, financially and emotionally but this is impossible as I am financially dependent, a student, and myself. We are both very distressed owing to the situation and are not being able to concentrate on our studies. Help.

— Robinson

Dear Robinson,

The extended family or joint family is a mixed bag of blessings. Individuality and ego come last here. Compromise and accommodation are the buzzwords, which have kept the institution of the joint family alive in such a scenario, being sensitive, and fighting for space and your rights will pose problems, especially if you succumb to the temptation of argument. Your girlfriend must learn to negotiate and make her own relatives understand her better. I understand that you love her and that she needs your support however marriage is NOT the solution. Don’t take sides and pit her against her family. And remember now not to get mired with her problems. Your girlfriend needs to resolve this on her own.

Friend or lover?

It is nearing two years since I have known a girl and I have realised that I have fallen in love with her. It is certainly not infatuation. I can’t wait to propose to her but I do not know what she feels for me. She has made it obvious that we are friends and good friends at that but I view things differently and I want to give it a shot by proposing to her as I may regret by not doing so, yet I do not want to ruin our friendship, either. Please tell me how to deal with this situation.

— Prakash

Dear Prakash

It takes two to tango...both of you have to realise that you are crazy about each other. It makes sense to propose then. If this is NOT the scenario, work on getting there. The ball is in your court as you are already good friends. Don’t rush things or her. Take it easy. A proposal is NOT something that you take a pot shot at. Once your friendship gets more intense, and you feel that she has begun to care about you in that special way — then only can you tell her about your feelings. Proposals come last in the list of things you need to do.

Too much too soon

I am an 18-year-old and I have just passed my XIIth standard. I was seeing someone earlier on and then I met someone else. We broke up six months ago. My first boyfriend is a family friend and he took the opportunity to ask my hand from my family to which my family agreed very happily. I, too, agreed to save face. My problem is I love my last boyfriend a lot and cannot forget him even after the breakup. What do I do now?

— Sad

Dear Sad,

This is all really too bad. How soon are you getting married? Tell your parents that you are not ready for a marriage right now as you are only 18 years old. Give yourself some time, enroll in a study programme, and be stronger about what you want from life.

Then only decide whom you really love and whom you want to marry? You can’t spend the rest of your life regretting whom you could have been with and what you might have been.