Careless whisper

I’m a Mongolian lass from Darjeeling. I have a friend who happens to be Brahmin. Before we were just good friends and had little contact but after a year he called me up and we went for a date and he proposed a relationship. Due to our unmatched castes I turned him down. I also told him that my parents are arranging my marriage and will be visiting me in July. He never calls me anymore. Right now I have feelings for him. We are both stubborn because we have the same astrological sign. I fear I’ll lose. What should I do to get him back in my lap?

— Ume, who should have known better

Dear Ume,

Your Brahmin friend is getting over the rejection and hurt. That is why he is distancing himself. Furthermore, you have told him that you are going to be betrothed soon to a man that your parents will select. He is doing the right thing by not calling you anymore. When you turned him down, you decision was based on “the unmatched caste” issue. If you foresaw this issue as an obstacle and not as a perfect union of two separate castes, there is no future for both of you. You probably made the right decision for yourself. You both need to move on with your lives. Maybe later on, you can try to be friends again. For now let it be.

History hurts

I have been dating my girlfriend for seven months. She had a relationship with her first love and that lasted a year. My problem is that she thinks about the guy and sometimes I even dream about him. She also tells me all the sweet and funny things he used to say to her. I can’t stand it but I smile for her sake. It bothers me that she prefers her past to the present. What can I do? How can I make her happy enough to forget the past? Will she always dream of her first love?

— Depressed

Dear Depressed,

I would be depressed, too. It’s tacky and insensitive to recount her reminiscences of her old boyfriend to you. You need to do something really simple. First tell her the truth, you don’t want to and need to listen to any more nostalgic nothings about her past affairs.

Ask her if she is still pining for her first love. If she admits to this, give her the dump. You don’t want to be the receptacle of her personal and emotional histories.

Mom’s dilemma

I am a 45-year-old woman with three children. I didn’t get a chance to study in my youth. I just did the SLC. But I have been studying higher secondary with my daughter for a year. I am feeling odd about studying with her. I tried to stop studying but my daughter forced me to go to college. She even asked me to dress up in a miniskirt and she bothers me if I don’t wear a dress. She even says that I am her elder sister. I can’t decide if I should start doing a private exam. Please help me!

Dear Mommy,

As long as you remember that you are a mother not an older sister, I don’t see a problem. Some sort of space, respect and dignity needs to be maintained between a mother and daughter. I think it is important that your daughter understands this. If you succumb to her every demand, she can start taking many things for granted. If you are uneasy about going to college, just tell your daughter and take the exam privately.

Love is real

I am 20 and in love with a girl in my college who is a year younger. Soon as we were introduced, she found out that I liked her. That was about two months ago. Since then whenever we encounter each other, we exchange smiles. Most of the time that doesn’t happen because she is with her friends and talking with her is beyond comprehension at such a time. Furthermore, I am little shy and talk very little with others. I don’t want to surprise her by proposing all of a sudden. Yet I think that I am too passive to successfully conduct this relationship. I love her so much that I cannot help thinking about her all the time.

— Anonymous

It’s normal to have a crush on a girl… you have a head start because this girl even knows that you like her. You have said you are disappointed with your own quiet nature… don’t be. It takes all types of people to make this world. Use the grapevine and your network to find out what she likes… then you have something to talk about. Once you develop a healthy friendship, take it from there. Do not jump the gun and startle her with a marriage proposition.

She loves me, she loves me not!

I am an 18-year-old guy. I fell in love with a girl more than a year ago. I proposed to her and she accepted. Now she tells me that she can’t continue our relationship because she is having problems. Her problem she says is that she can’t face the society. Eventually we broke up and even now she calls me up. I know she loves me more than her own self. I am really confused.

— Now in Doubt

Dear Now in Doubt,

She does love you, but you have to understand that you are living in Nepal. Many things

are done under the surface. Many things are hidden. You can love someone, I am sure she loves you, but cannot do anything about it because, she’s scared to express it. Give her time, wait for her to express her self. You have to also find out what the problems exactly are.