Love ain’t enough

I love a girl who works at Manipal, Pokhara as a staff nurse. I’ve been admiring her for the last 7-8 years and am crazy about her. Almost eight months ago I had a date with her and we spent about three hours sharing many things. I told her that I love her very much. Then I had to return to Kathmandu but we regularly talked over the phone. I recently met her again in Pokhara and I proposed. I was shocked to know that she could not marry me because she is Chhetri and I am Brahmin. What can I do?

— Krishna Sharma

Dear Krishna,

MOVE ON, MOVE ON… The lady in question has already said NO to your proposal. You wasted

eight years admiring her and a lot of sound bytes over these last eight months yapping sweet nothings to her on the telephone. Life is beautiful. Don’t waste another eight years getting over this fickle nurse.

Broke songbird

I’m a very big fan of the singer Sonu Nigam. I want to become a great singer like him. My well wishers say that I can sing well and have a good voice, too. But nobody understands my feelings in my family. I want to take vocal training classes and learn to play an instrument. This is not possible because I am completely unable to convince my parents. I don’t have any money to pay for my classes and my parents are not interested in helping me in any way. Isn’t it true that a person can only be successful in his own interests and hobbies? So how can I find success?

— Die hard

Dear Die hard,

Well wishers are a dime a dozen… anyone and everyone can be nice. However, you seem to have been unable to impress your own parents with your Sonu Nigam voice. Perhaps, they would be convinced if you had higher aspirations… and said that you wanted to be a “great singer” like the legendary Indian icons from the music world: Mohammed Rafi, Kishore Kumar,

etc. Perhaps, your parents fear that you will get distracted from your studies or, perhaps, they just don’t have the extra cash to pay for your music lessons. Taking into account that your parents are unwilling to fund your musical ambitions, I suggest you take the initiative to meet young amateur musicians and get into the groove of things. Try your voice out with them. With trial and error, if something clicks… good for you. Invite your parents to hear you sing then and convince them about your musical abilities.

Love, found and lost

Can you imagine meeting someone out of the blue, then you become good friends and, in a very short span of time, he proposes marriage? Sounds like a fairy tale, doesn’t it? But that is not the end of my fairy tale. The guy just disappeared after he spilled the beans. I did not say no to him and just asked for some time to think. I really don’t know what went wrong because

he just stopped communicating. Now I feel in the middle of nowhere. Was he a genuine person or was he just checking me out?

Did I make a mistake of trusting him too early? Where did I go wrong? How do I get him to speak the truth?

— Aasma Shrestha

Dear Aasma,

Your fairy tale ending has been muddled because you expressed a matter of genuine concern to you… “ time to think over” his marriage proposal. He has not communicated with you for reasons only known to him. Asking for time was, perhaps, NOT the answer he expected. It could also be that he fears rejection or maybe he, himself, is rethinking why he popped the marriage question in the heat of the moment. I can imagine your bewilderment. As he has NOT called you, the only way to get to the truth is to pick up the phone and call him yourself. Remember that you hold the key to the conclusion of your own fairy tale.

Caste barriers

I am a 21-year-old woman and I belong to a low caste but at the same time I should say we are quite well off. I was in a relationship with this guy for two years but not now. He didn’t know about my caste and he never bothered to ask me. Neither did I tell him. I came to know that his mother is very strict about castes and wants him to marry girl from their caste. Since he is the only child of the family, I know he won’t go against his parents. So I broke up with him. Since he does not know the actual reason behind me dumping him, he thinks that I betrayed him. I don’t know whether to tell him about my caste or not. I am really confused as it will ruin the prestige of my family. Please tell me what to do!

— Anoo

Dear Anoo,

Don’t be trapped by your own insecurities. Be proud of who you are. The words “low caste” should be and will be redundant in modern Nepal. You have the liberty to decide on how you want direct the flow of your life. However, you should have been open about your family background from the very beginning. Furthermore, you were in this relationship for the last two years… so you had all the time to tell him. You seem to have sacrificed your relationship and your reputation (as your ex feels that you betrayed him) as you feared rejection. If this is the man of your dreams that you want to settle down with be brave and make the time to privately tell him the real reason why you broke up with him. If he really loves you, he will appreciate why you felt that you needed to break up with him. You can then resume your relationship, knowing that this man will defend and protect you. If he rejects you on the grounds of your caste…you are better off without him. I doubt that your family’s prestige will be affected by the admission of the truth.

Testing terrors

We studied technology for three years after SLC and now it’s our final semester. The BE entrance exams are nearing. We want to study in TU affiliated colleges but we are afraid it’s very tough for us even to pass the exams. Sometimes we plan to drop a year preparing for it and to get a good percentage so we can get a scholarship. But then we are worried that a yearlong gap would leave us dull. Our parents have spent nearly 2 lakhs for the level we’re studying at and BE will cost us another 4 lakhs. By then we’ll be 25 and it would not be appropriate for us to burden our parents. Our schoolmates are already doing their bachelor’s degree. Worse, our education doesn’t really guarantee us a job. What should we do? Continue this year, take a break to study, or study abroad?

— A confused lot

Dear Confused lot, Good luck to all of with your final semester!

Don’t be confused a lot. Your collective confusion will only get you nowhere. The fact is that your BE degrees will cost your parents, wherever you go. Make sure that you receive good marks from your technology college as this will help you in the future. Prepare for the BE entrance exams… don’t be intimidated by the bogey of failure. Form study groups and take intensive tuitions. Time management is the key. Age should be no bar to education. In the event that all of you fail the entrance exams… then take a year off to resit this exam. I suggest that during this period of preparation for the BE exams, all of you should also take time to collect good letters of recommendation, research studies abroad and prepare for the various tests and skills that are required there. Universities abroad also offer good scholarships and the fact that you have had three years of certified technical training will definitely be a plus point. Base your final decision on the scholarships that are offered to you by the Universities abroad and at home. In some Universities you can work and study too. Sometimes the scholarships that are offered abroad are very generous. At the end of the year, decide where you want to go and what you really want to do.

(Mail your problems, peeves and secret dreams to Sangeeta Thapa at talk2me@thehimalayantimes.com.)