Niranjan Khatiwada

Kathmandu:

Most people do not think of anything beyond love once they think that they have succeeded in love. Their aims and responsibilities diminish before this emotion of attachment. This is the story of my life, a love that remained platonic.

I can still vividly remember the day when this one particular girl looked at me and smiled. It was her welcoming smile that put me at ease. I remember how I stole glances and when

she thought I was not looking at her, she did too. We were trying to be sly but our eyes met.

It seems like yesterday that I was looking for opportunities to strike an acquaintance with her but there was always this unbridgeable gap. A year passed by and we were still at the beginning. I was unaware of my own feelings, how could I understand hers? Sometimes I pretended that I didn’t care but the truth was that I did.

One Valentine’s day my friend forced me to let her know how I felt. I remember how I nervous I was when I told that I had fallen in love with her. Time passed by but she didn’t reply. I feared that may be I had done something that I should not have, may be I should not have told her how I felt.

Whatever happens, her smile will remain in my heart. For me, she was something between a dream and a miracle. She was the central character behind my success story. The sad reality is that she might not even know how special she was to me and how deep a debt of gratitude I owe her.I spent my days without food and sleep because she had not replied to me. After a long period of time, unable to control my emotions, I called her up on the phone. She told me that she didn’t have any such feelings for me.

Before I could say anything more, she put down the phone. It was disheartening but I was not ready to accept the truth. Perhaps, at that age, love was taboo for her. May be, I wasn’t mature enough to understand her emotions. To my great surprise, from that day onwards my eyes never tired of looking for her. Her “no” didn’t discouraged me but encouraged me to better myself.

Now that I have left those days far behind, I can do nothing but keep the memories. When I recall those days, I find that I was wrong to have thought my life wouldn’t continue without her.I realise now, how my parents — those that I had forgotten when I was in love — had worked hard for me in order to make my dreams come true. I also realise how I had misused their investment in my education.I am so indebted to them because they gave me the strength and courage to lead a life of worth in this challenging world.