Himalayan News Service

Nuwakot, May 27

Ramu of Bidur, Nuwakot stayed at home on the day of his marriage.

Ironically, he was not a member of the marriage procession at his own wedding. After bidding farewell to his relatives and neighbours who were on their way to his future bride’s home, Ramu spent the day playing “ratauli” or singing and dancing at his own home.

While his peers, dressed in suits, ties and shiny shoes were heading back home with the bride adorned with the golden ornaments and dress sent by him, Ramu was in casual dress busy preparing to welcome his bride and the marriage procession at his home. This is not only the story of Ramu; hundreds of bridegrooms from the Newar community also wait for their bride at their home like Ramu did last Friday.

The marriage procession that goes to the bride’s house without the bride groom and then the bride groom putting ‘sindur’ or vermillion on the bride’s head at the temple the next day is a very old traditional culture of the Newars. The marriage ceremony at the bride’s home comes to an end with the bride giving beetle nut to her family members and relatives while the vermillion ceremony is the final stage.

There is also an interesting feature in this culture where the bride, on reaching the bridegroom’s house, must look for her husband who should be disguised. This is also done for the entertainment of all present and the bride groom usually hides himself in the back of the house or the grain storage room.

“In the past, marriages used to take place at a very young age with the bride groom and bride not even seeing each other once. So this way of enacting the marriage was carried out in order to develop love and affection between the future husband and wife. This is also believed to bring happiness to their marriage life”, said Ratna Shrestha, an elderly from the Newar community here. In this tradition, the bride must pat her husband on the head after finding him.

The bridge groom has nothing to do other than bidding farewell to the marriage procession along with the empty palanquin. In the meantime, he keeps himself busy by cleaning the house and watching the ‘ratauli’.

As it is not good in religious terms to leave the house of the marriage and since all close relatives and friends are members of the marriage procession, the bride groom usually finds it very hard to pass through the day.

“Everyone went to the bride’s house and since I did not have any friend back home I spent the day watching the ‘ratauli’, said Bhim Shrestha, who got married in a similar fashion seven years ago.

However, along with the change in the times, the trend of taking the bride groom along with the marriage procession is on the rise. The majority of youths also feel that the new trend of taking the bride groom along as well should be encouraged and promoted, but more than half of the Newars, who constitute more than eight per cent of the total population of the district, still follow their ancient tradition. Marriage is the first day with a life partner and keeping the bride groom at home with others going to fetch the bride is not good, say youths. While the boy wishes to go the bride’s home to bring his future wife, the girl too expects that she leaves her maternal home with her future husband. As a result of new trends, local youths point out the need to put an end to old traditions and superstitions.