Uday Lama

There is nothing dramatic in the way I respond to questions. At times it seems there is hardly any response from my side. On other occasions I take stock, pause for effect and then deliver my answer. In between these two extremes lie my mumbling and bumbling self. But then I do rehearse mentally what I am going to say. This calls for mental preparation on my part and so there is no going back. I press ahead with due elan and finesse and pat comes the reply. And at the end there is only relief at the way things turned out. Nobody is aware that this is sometimes a manner of delivering answers without compromising myself. My responses take the form of stumbling around and contain only abbreviated sentences. There is hardly anything to impinge upon self and makes for a dead beat, sure-fire answer. Even though there is no invasion of private space. I do not take things for granted and there is only an awareness of the status quo.

Much as I would like it my voice registers on the lower end of the decibel. It is as if I was holding my breath before expelling it in a whoosh of air. But there is no one who takes this into account or even pass casual, off-the-cuff remarks. And so any conversation I hold becomes a farce of sorts. Making eye contact and using body language makes no sense in this connection. And I am aware of this fact without mincing matters. What then am I supposed to do even though I cannot call it a day. But it carries an innuendo that is not to be missed for form’s sake. Rather than indulging in self-pity I do not let it get to me no matter how serious and compelling the justification.

I put on a bold show of face before striking out on my own. Because there is no point in being meek and submissive and taking things lying down. Before too long I realise its significance and socialise to an extent. These occasional forays into the company marks and measures my worth. Truly I deride myself for doing so and retreat into seclusion at the earliest opportunity. That has steadfastly held true for me since a long ago and there is no likelihood of changing colours at this stage of my existence. Any conversation I hold forth is marked by short terse sentences and no circumlocution. At this point I make short work for any attempt for a chit-chat. No matter if it is an intimate one or a mere sharing of confidences. I do not consider this as an affront rather it has to do with making a statement. A response of a kind!