Today more and more youngsters prefer going abroad for their further studies and their

parents are adjusting to not having their children around. After spending half their life running around their children and making their life easier now many parents have more time for themselves. Although they gradually get accustomed to their new lifestyle they do miss their children and even a simple incident will get them nostalgic. Two such parents shared their feelings and experience with The Himalayan Times

... for their independence

Their absence is painful but we know that they are there for their education. Further it is heartening to see them doing so well in their life, which we really appreciate,” said Michael Chand as he looked at his wife who gave ‘I know what you mean’ look to him. Two out of their three daughters are in US and the third one is all set to leave this year.

Bhuwan Chand echoed her husband’s sentiment, “alikati khallo ta lagi halcha ni (a forlorn hope does exist). It’s especially during the festivals that we miss them the most, and even when we are having some delicious food we do remember them. I guess that’s but natural for every parent.”

They both agree that with their daughters away from home they not only have more time for each other but also for themselves. Michael Chand pointed out, “She has her own set of activities that keeps her busy. Like recently she had to go to Mahendranagar for some work. Had our children been here she would not have been able to do that.” As for him his work at Goethe-institut keeps him occupied but he shared that he is also changing his lifestyle accordingly.

This luxury of time has also made it possible for them to sit down and talk about different issues and problems more often. Bhuwan Chand said,

“He comes home early these days so we have time to chat.” She also said that while she is regular her husband does accompany her on her morning walks on weekends.

But no matter how occupied you keep yourself a parent always keeps thinking about their children, as Michael Chand put it, “The void is always there in the house.”

They both said in unison that when they hear that one of their daughters has fallen ill or even when they hear about some mishap in US it bothers them. And they call them up just to hear their voice.

And there are moments when they miss having their children around like Bhuwan Chand added that the thought of having none of the girls around at times when she is not feeling well also worries her.

Meanwhile her husband recalled the days when he used to drive to work with his two daughters who also worked in Radio Nepal with him. “I miss talking to them while

driving to office, now it’s just a simple drive. It was fun when they came with me.”

Both the parents have seen their daughters struggle in foreign lands and have realised that they have grown up to be responsible persons. This very fact makes them forget all the loneliness and pain they feel. As Bhuwan Chand shares, “I always wanted my daughters to be independent individuals and today I can see that they have become capable and achieved something in life.” The proud father showed his approval to this fact with a content smile and a nod.

... moving on in life

All three of Hiranya Bhojpure’s children are now well settled in America and he along with his wife often visit them. He recalls that 15 years back when his first son left for US both the parents had a tough time adjusting to his absence. “Communication was not easy then, even phone calls were very expensive so we basically wrote letters to him,” he said. While

his wife, Urmila Shrestha did feel sad but being busy with her work made it easier for her to cope. Shrestha added, “We knew that it is for his own good.”

They have always been a family that loves to travel and have fun time together. And now they both miss going on treks and travelling with their children the most. However, Bhojpure said that when they go to US they do have these fun filled family get-togethers.

Unlike their younger children, who went to study in Chandigarh after completing school, their elder son stayed with them. So Bhojpure misses him the most, “We both love food and once the two of us finished around three kgs of fish. I still remember when I used to write he would sit beside me and read what I had written. These days I can just imagine that he is around.”

Shrestha talked about how she misses her children during festivals and especially during Dashain. She further shared that it is their daughter whom she remembers that most, “She is a very lively person and she would fill the house with with her laughter.”

Although Bhojpure has retired from his work Shrestha is still working so whatever free time she gets is either devoted towards socialising or towards their common passion, music. Shrestha added, “We often go to visit our relatives or entertain guests at our place. We also attend functions where we make it a point to go together as we are habituated to it.”

As for their passion besides singing together Shrestha said that her husband shows her his writings. They have even brought out a collection of essays, which is a sort of their memoir.

There have been certain incidents when their children’s absence was really felt by them. Bhojpure recalls the time when he suffered a heart attack and also the time when his wife was diagnosed with cancer. However, he does feel that the level of understanding has increased between them. “She had to struggle a lot when I was ill and I had to look after her when she was not feeling well. Then one day she told me that she had never imagined I could toil so much,” said Bhojpure with a content laugh.

Shrestha said that since their daughter has a very young kid of her own Shrestha is worried how she will manage. Although they both have adjusted to their own lifestyle and so have their children they point out that as a parent they can never stop worrying about their children.