Dipti Sherchan

Kathmandu:

When you fall in love with a person, you will find it difficult to express your feelings. It becomes even harder when you cannot say it because you know the person you love loves someone else. What should you do? You want to let the person know but are caught in a dilemma. You turn to your friends. Some suggest that you go and confront the person. Some might tell you to mind your own business and leave them alone. In the end, the decision is up to you but you are completely confused. Bharati Adhikari, psychologist at Organisation of Psychological Research Centre, Naxal, suggests, “If you love a person you should give the person a hint indirectly about the fact that you love him/her even though you know that the person loves somebody else. You should do so because you might be interpreting their relation as lovers. One can never know they might just be friends! But do not directly propose.”

Love happens without warning. Life would be so much simpler if it came with flashy signs or wake up calls. Remember that loving somebody is not a crime so really, there is no reason to feel down or depressed. It will be difficult because nobody else can really fathom what you are going through. However, life has to go on. Like seasons, everything changes and who knows, someday you might even be able to look back and smile at the memory. Pratima Lama, a resident of Mahankal, shares, “When I fall in love, I give him everything he wishes for, even if he wishes for freedom. It hurts so much but that’s love. There are things that we don’t want happening but have to accept. We have to learn to let go.” If you are like Pratima who believes that there’s always a reason for you to move on, to say goodbye to feelings you wanted to hold on to forever, you know what love really means. For love has to set its wings free and find the right place where it should be. If you selfishly want to hold on to what you have, you definitely need counselling.

Adhikari says, “Love is a feeling. If other two people are happy with their relationship, you should sacrifice your love. You should give it up. But if you are the kind a person who wants that person regardless of the fact then you need a counselling. This kind of person is egoistic and they might even attempt suicide. They usually have this tendency to harm themselves or the other person and that is the reason why they need psychological counselling.” You need to think unselfishly and put yourself in the other person’s shoes. S/he also might love that person the way you love him/her. Heartbreaks can last as long as you let it; they tear you as deep as you allow. The real test is not how soon you forget but how you heal and learn.

Aashish Singh Gurung says, “I would hate it if she invaded my personal life even after knowing I had someone else. We may be friends but it would be odd.” If you are the person in between like Gurung then learn to stay calm. Remember it is not your fault either. If you do not want to talk about it then don’t but if you do, make it clear that you have someone else in your life. This can be done politely without embarrassing the other person or yourself. Learn to respect the other person and fact that s/he had the courage to tell you. Plus, it’s a compliment!