Everybody who has a dog calls him Rover or Boy. I call mine Sex. Now Sex has been embarrassing to me.

One day I entered Sex in a contest, but before the competition began he ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just standing there, looking around.

I told him that I had planned to have Sex in the contest. He told me I should have sold my own tickets. “But you don’t understand” I said, “I had planned to have Sex on TV.” He called me a show off.

When my husband and I separated we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said, “Your Honour, I had Sex before I was married!!”

The Judge said, “Me too.”

Then I told him that after I was married that Sex had left me. He said “Me too.”

Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking around town for him.

A cop came over to me and asked me what I was doing in the alley at 4 o’clock in the morning. I said looking for Sex.

My case comes up on Monday.