Mum’s dictionary:

Dumbwaiter: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.

Family planning: The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster.

Feedback: The inevitable result when your baby doesn’t appreciate the strained carrots.

Full name: What you call your child when you’re mad at him.

Grandparents: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they’re sure you’re not raising them right.

Hearsay: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.

Puddle: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.

Show off: A child who is more talented than yours.

Sterilise: What you do to your first baby’s pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby’s pacifier by blowing on it.

Top bunk: Where you should never put a child wearing Superman pajamas.

Whodunit: None of the kids that live in your house.

Weekend: When Dad gets to play golf while Mum catches up on the laundry, cleans the house, runs errands, et cetera.

— Hi Lama