Peoplespeak : Love and respect for all

The first and foremost problem that I see is not caste barrier, but finding true love. And after considering this, I feel strongly that true love is not a good enough reason, at least not in a country like ours, to break caste barriers. Our country still follows the old traditions and superstitions. Even today we can find bahun sasus who do not eat food prepared by a matwali buhari. Parents are supposed to find happiness in their children’s happiness. All these are overlooked in reality. In a society like ours, true love will be a good reason to break caste barrier, but only under one exceptional condition: the people who are going to get married must have the universally accepted mistress — MONEY. If people have money, then society will be paralysed to say anything.Then the caste barrier will be broken easily. However, this is rare. So, I say family honour should come before personal interests. Those who are going to marry may be able to face society, but the parents will be greatly penalised because their prestige will be swept off in a second. Unconditional love is only given by

parents. You can never get that selfless love from others. So, what’s the use sacrificing your family’s prestige for a somebody if that hurts your parents?

— Bartika

As German life counsellors, we greet the opportunity to share our knowledge. Cultures are different, but different views widen the perspective; truth overcomes all barriers. Love is the only thing that counts for our souls. Fear is the opposite of love. All actions are driven either by love or fear. Honour is an offspring of fear; in the name of honour millions have died, billions are suffering. Real parents want their child happy. Love does not damage anybody. From love and happiness flow so much benefit. In the path of humanity, truth and love, all humans are of equal worth, although they have different abilities. Buddha, Shivananda, Gandhi regarded people as equal and gave us examples to overcome cast limits. Keeping to your true love, demands courage. Hassles and obstacles may occur. If you marry a girl from lower caste, stand firm in your decision: promise yourself that you will never blame her because of caste, even if you are angry. Listen to your heart, not to doctrines.

— Nina Lange and Ludwig Zaccaro

A mother carries a baby in her womb for nine months, goes through intense labour pain to birth to this child, stays up entire nights to care for it, and together with the father of the child teaches the child to be a good person. Then one day, this child comes and tells them that he loves a girl and is ready to do anything, even leave them for her. If this is true love, then I don’t want anything to do with true love. I will be happy to serve my parents all my life as I feel that my personal interests weigh nothing in comparison to my parents’ dreams in me. I urge everyone to try and become the next Shrawan Kumar, and not to compel your parents to write another Baghban.

— Sanjay D Sharma

Socially and culturally speaking, the caste barrier was and is still playing a great role in many of the relationships. Giving precedence to family honour has ruined a lot of lives. We see faces wreathed in smiles when hearts break. It is also true that we listen to our elders and bide by honouring family ties before craving our own personal interests as a responsible act. But how may lives does such an act make happy? However, if there is no commitment in love, it will not ruin only the lovers, but also the family.

— Shradha Sharma Bhandari

When we open our eyes for the very time in our life, the first persons we see are our parents. So, honouring and respecting them is our duty. Therefore, I think family honour should come before our personal interests. And talking about true love — true love is rarely found. I think its just a hypothetical thing which is very unpractical as well as filmi. Running after it will be just like building castles in the air.

— Pramita Maharjan

True love is something for which a man can die, and also live. There are very few barriers in this world strong enough to obstruct true love. It is also true that a person will really be living when he can think on his own and for his own. So, I am all for true love.

— Durga Prasad Oli, New Baneshwor

It is not just easy to say as I feel that we must first take into consideration our culture and religion. It is difficult to bring about any rapid change in any society. Let us leave it to our coming generation to see how they handle this.

— Rabin

Love is all about sacrifice and devotion, and no doubt true love will have these ingredients along with mutual understanding, belief and faith in each other. And since it’s their life, caste barriers do not count much. But we should not forget that man is a social creature. One has to think of a lot of other things as well. As parents are the ones who bring up a child, it would be better if they are understanding. However, living in a country like ours where social norms and cultural beliefs are deep-rooted, it’s not an easy job. But time means change, and if it is done for the sake of love, it’s a better step towards development. When the entire world is fighting a war, giving two souls a chance to be happy together is not a bad idea.

— Mr Brownstone

Only true love is not enough reason to break caste barriers. Till one becomes self-dependent, family honour will come before personal interests. When one become independent, then one can take any decision, and that decision is accepted by all. So, I think more than true love self-independence will be needed to break caste barriers, and this can be brought through education.

— Sanu Bishowkarma

We are all ‘dreams’ of our families bound by rites and rituals. We can’t ignore them and even today the ‘caste’ is a deciding factor. But, when two hearts and souls agree to be one, there remains no caste, religion nor nationality as barrier. It’s true, caste can cause problems as different castes have different rituals, festivals and norms, but we can learn the ways, can’t we?

— Dilip Dachhepati

True love is rare. True love has to undergo many hurdles, and the so-called family honour is one. Family honour lies in the progress of one’s offspring with education and broadening of ideas. If your child decides to marry the person of his/her choice, surely s/he is doing it for their good. What’s the use of a life with someone who is so opposite to you that you feel isolated and lonely even though you are married?

— Rajesh Bhandari

Family comes first beca-use our family is with us forever, but love can betray us.

— Nighttax

You don’t come to love a person depending on which caste s/he belongs to. Family is important, but then one day you will need to start your own too. And you have the right to choose the person with whom you are going to spend rest of your life. If you don’t have any problem with the caste your love belongs to, then I don’t think family should have any problem in it.

— Evana Shrestha

Family life begins with love. Intercaste marriages are still a taboo in our caste-based society. But with time and Western influences, our marriage system has also changed with most of the youngsters leaning towards the intercaste marriages. This has created some family problem. Tussle between children and parents in their bid to keep and break the traditional norms of marriage has become a common thing. Love no doubt is the essence of life which makes life wonderful, but youngsters should not forget the fact that love exists everywhere. It would be incorrect to presume that couples in intra-caste marriages do not have the love that couples in intercaste marriages enjoy. We have intercaste couples having difficulties adjusting to each other’s ways despite their true love. So, those believe in true love should not ignore the family, where one gets the first taste of love.

— Ambika Pandey, Chitawan

This is the 21st century and it is worthless to talk about the caste system. Society has changed a lot, and laws and provisions are in place to punish those who still practice the caste system. Till the day our minds are crammed with the ideas of a caste system, true love will always have a tragic end. So, personal interest should be given priority over family honour.

— Ningmar Lama

It is unwise to undermine family customs and parent’s desire while choosing one’s life partners. Deceiving guardians and parents and hurting their feelings and sentiments just to

fulfill our personal interest would demonstrate our selfish nature. So, we should take parent’s consent or advice before we take the final decision.

— Eklaxmi Nepal