I lost my Daddy this and nothing prepared me for the loss. He was with me for 17 years, and I consider those years the golden days of my life.

Here are how the lines in my diary run on the day my Daddy died:

April 13, 2006 (Thursday)

Today is April 13, my Daddy’s birthday.

Surprisingly I woke up early today because lately I had been getting up quite late due to holidays and the ungoing strike. I even cleaned the house, something which I have never done before. Then I sat with Daddy and we watched TV together.

We were having a great time when he told me he had a pain in the chest and throat. However, I took it very lightly. Then I saw him drinking lots of water, perhaps in an attempt to reduce his pain. When I told him we should maybe go see a doctor, he said we could do so after our meal as there were no vehicles on the road due to the bandh and we would have walk to the hospital.

After our meal, my father came and sat on the sofa and looked at me as if he wanted to say something. And right in front of my eyes, I saw my father having difficulty breathing, holding his body tight and looking at me with fear in his eyes. He fell unconcious.

I shouted for help and we phoned the ambulance but none were available. He was taken to the hospital in a police van.

After an hour in the hospital, my mother asked me to go home. But I was called back soon.

On the way I remembered that it was Daddy’s birthday today. At the hospital everyone was staring at me and I felt uneasy. Then I saw Mummy crying and my brother’s long face. I asked her about Daddy and I cannot explain in words how I felt because I never expected to hear what she said.

We were shown Daddy’s body. His eyes were closed as if he were sleeping. I touched his body and it was cold. Then everyone took away his body. My brother went for the cremation, while Mummy and I went home.

My brother came back with a shaven head and in white clothes. My Mummy was also told to wear white saree.

Soon everyone went away and the three of us were left alone.

I wanted to sit alone as I felt that if I sat with my Mummy and brother then none of us would stop crying.

Till yesterday I used to feel happy writing in my diary, but no one can imagine what I am feeling right now. Today is the worst day of my life. I cannot imagine my life without my Daddy. I don’t know what will happen tomorrow but I know my life can never be the same like it used to be.

I know I can’t get my Daddy back, however I am ready to give away everything to be with him one more time. I miss you a lot Daddy. I miss you every single day. — Archana, Class XII, Paschimanchal Higher Secondry School, Gairapatan, Pokhara