Kathmandu:

“Suicide is not chosen; it happens when pain exceeds resources for coping with pain.”

Life is not as easy as we expect it to be. It is full of ups and downs, and suicide is not the way out. The solution to the problems we face is being ready to accept the fact that life is difficult at times, and that tragedies do occur.

Many people, especially the youngsters, find it difficult to face problems in life for various reasons. And it takes tremendous will power and self-esteem to face troubles in life. Life not going as they had envisioned or a sudden change that the loss of loved ones brings, financial problems, stress and depression, among others make a person suicidal.

A cry for help

Committing suicide is not the solution to life’s difficulties. It is not the answer to any question that one faces in life. Many term suicide as an act of cowardice, but it is not so. A person attempts suicide when s/he does not find any solace or solution.

Suicide or the possible motives that compel one to behave thus generally indicate that it is an act of self-destruction, an aggression towards others as well as a culmination of the inhibitions exercised by society and culture.

Attempted cases in many instances indicate a ‘cry for help’. Anyone can have tendency towards ending his/her life, and it is important to understand such people and try to help them as they are unable to help themselves.

“Suicide is an ultimate cry for help. Majority of those who attempt suicide do not do it to end life, but with the hope that they will be saved. Attempting suicide is asking for help and need of rescue. It is a way to make people see the problems they are facing in life,” says Dr Raja Ram Subbian, a psychiatrist from Bangalore, India who is practising in Kathmandu.

Wish to die

He adds that some attempt suicide just to manipulate their problems. According to him, in such a case, the process is not planned and the wish to die is not strong, and they can be and are usually saved. However, those who are successful in their attempt have strong tendencies to end life and have well planned strategies to do so.

Therefore, the percentage of the rescued is higher than those who end their life.

More women affected

“Generally, women attempt suicide more than men. This is usually due to hormonal changes during pre-menstruation stress (PMS), pregnancy and post-natal depression. Moreover, they also face more stress in society due to high expectations and the roles they are supposed to play. However, as they usually do not have pre-planned strategies, they fail to end life and are rescued. Whereas among men, though the attempts are less in number, the number of suicidal deaths is higher than that among women. Men are less emotional and have a high tolerance level to deal with stress as they have more social activities and opportunities to engage themselves in.

But when it comes to committing suicide, they have well planned strategies and thus the death rate is high,” says Dr Subbian.

Most affected group

In Nepal, suicide is regarded as an individual’s problem and less attention is paid to its intervention and rehabilitation, says a senior psychologist at Tribhuvan University.

The consequences of suicide or attempted suicide on the community as a whole has never been seriously considered, let alone the impact that it has and the emotional scar it leaves on the individual and his/her family, he says.

According to him, in Nepal youngsters in their 20’s have a higher rate of suicide as they are the most misunderstood of all age groups. The change in social and family values and the clash between individual choices and social expectation are the main causes of suicide among them.

Some people who commit suicide do not show any warning signs and many hide their depression because there is still a strong social stigma attached to it. Also, many people believe that they will be perceived as a weakling, so as a result they hide their depression.

But if truth be told —

committing suicide or attempting one is a crime, and suicide not only ends one life, but also other lives related to it.

warning signs

• Appearing depressed or sad most of the time. Untreated depression is the number one cause for suicide.

• Feeling hopeless, expressing hopelessness.

• Withdrawing from family and friends.

• Sleeping too much, or too less.

• Feeling tired most of the time.

• Gaining or losing a significant amount of weight.

• Writing notes/poems about suicide/death.

• Acting compulsively, irrationally, recklessly.

• Losing interest in most activities.

• Giving away prized possessions.

• Writing a will.

• Losing one’s sense of humour.

• Feeling excessive guilt or shame.

• Frequently complaining about headaches, stomachaches.

• Neglecting personal appearance.

• A dramatic change in personality, personal appearance.

• Performing poorly at work or in school.

causes of suicide

No single factor has gained acceptance as a universal cause of suicide. Factors that may be related are as follows.

• Pain for example physical or emotional agony that is not correctable.

• Stress

• Crime

• Mental illness and disability

• Catastrophic injury like paralysis, disfigurement, loss of limb

• Substance abuse

• Adverse environment like sexual/domestic abuse, poverty, homelessness

• Financial loss

• Unresolved sexual issues like sexual orientation, unrequited love

• To avoid shame or dishonour

• Old age

(This is not meant as a comprehensive list, but rather as a summary of notable causes)