TALK TO ME : ‘Much love around the family’


I’m 25 years old and have been dating a 39-year-old woman for the last four years. I want to make a break now but have been unable to do so. How do I politely deny her now?

— Bimlesh

If you love her stay with her. If you don’t, just tell her that she’s too old and is getting wrinkles very soon.

Dad’s in love

I have a boyfriend and we have been together for a long time now. But I’m have a hard time trusting him and I think it’s partly because of my father’s psychological influence on me. I think my father’s having an affair. I don’t think it’s a full-fledged sexual relationship yet as they just talk on the phone and flirt. She’s married and has two kids and is supposedly a family friend whatever that’s supposed to mean. I just hate her and my dad for this but again he’s so loving to all of us. I know he loves my mom and she loves him, too, but it drives me mad when I see how much she trusts him. I feel so sorry for her. She’s so dependent on him. It’d kill her if I told her about this. On top of this all, she’s physically unwell right now due to psychosomatic reasons. I feel that I should tell her eventually but right now I don’t know what to do. Please do help me.

— Miss Anonymous

Dear …,

Most girls grow up adulating their father. Right now you are feeling let down and devastated because you think you have stumbled on your father’s supposed “affair” with a family friend. These are very difficult emotions to deal with because it is about various levels of perceived betrayal: the trust between husband and wife, father and daughter, the friend’s wife and friend. It is also about the ultimate betrayal of families and friendships, which can turn into an ugly and volatile situation in the absence of respect and trust. Don’t wallow in negativity. How can you be sure that your Father is having an affair with this woman just because he talks to her on the phone. People talk for a longer time to family friends. Is he having these conversations openly in front of you? If so, he has nothing to hide. Maybe his style is flirty and you are uncomfortable with this. Are you feeling insecure because you have always been Daddy’s girl? There seems to be a lot of love still going around in the family. What is important is to clear these doubts and move on. Stop torturing yourself because it affecting your relationship with your parents and your longtime boyfriend . You have mentioned that your Mother is unwell right now due to “psychosomatic” reasons. What are those reasons? Is it because she suspects what you do? How about giving your Mother some TLC...tender loving care as she is unwell. Draw your Father’s concern to your Mother’s failing health. If your Father is indeed involved with this woman, you need to confront him privately and tell him that you are disappointed. Get it off your chest. Be careful with the words you use. If you push him too far, your Father could react violently and cause you bodily harm. If you push him too far, the damage may to great and the family could fall apart. Be gentle..tell him how

much this has hurt you and will hurt your Mother. Point out how ill your Mother is. Is forgiveness and compassion an emotion you can receive and give? The family will have to learn to heal itself. Are you prepared to deal with these emotions?

A girl’s got to do…

I am 18 years old and female studying in Standard XI. I know a boy, a year younger than I, who is my school junior in Class X. I love him for a year now but can’t tell him. Reasons are (a) I am not exactly pretty and conventional and (b) since he is not my classmate, I have no area of contact with him and if I single him out to talk to him, everything will become apparent and he will run away. In fact, I feel so strongly about him that this is bound to happen. Please advise me as to what I should do.

— Anamika

Dear Anamika,

You a have nurtured a year long crush on a younger schoolboy, with whom you have had no verbal contact. Are you confusing this crush for love? Let me assure you that this boy will NOT run away if you strike up a conversation with him… even if he is as shy as you. Since you both attend the same school, use your imagination to create an opportunity where you have a chance to talk to each other. You need to overcome your personal insecurities before you can cultivate a friendship with this boy or any other boy in the future. Don’t think that boys only talk to beautiful girls or vice versa.

Existential anguish

have a problem that I face almost everyday and every moment of the day. I feel as if I have no future since I’m not as serious-minded as I should be due to my family’s financial conditions. I feel I can’t do anything in life. I was a good student in my schooldays but now I am a weak one. I am unable to study my course as I must in order to achieve my aim. I need your guidance.

— Bhuwan Khadka,Thimi, Bhaktapur

Dear Bhuwan,

You have only yourself to blame for creating this problem and situation. If you know that your parents were facing financial problems, you should have comprehended their problems and tried to help. Your attitude could have only added to their problems. Get real! Only true grit and determination will help you with your studies. Be serious, set goals and targets. This way you can do well academically. Try and get amazing letters of recommendations that will help you apply for universities. Remember there are generous scholarships for deserving students.

Am I a loser?

I’m a 26-year-old, unemployed graduate from Birganj who lost both his parents early. My sister is all I have in the world. I have been living in Kathmandu for three years but still have no job. For the past three years, I don’t feel well. My body can’t bear any excitement and I cannot walk for long or work hard. If I push myself even a little, I develop painful red spots on my skin. I have consulted with many dermatologists and finally a certain doctor, a psychiatrist, told me that all this is happening out of stress and prescribed me some medication. I am still taking his medication but have a long way to health. I am depressed and often feel suicidal. People around me call me rude names and think I am mad. I can’t go on like this much longer. Help!

— Siddhartha, Kathmandu

Dear Siddhartha

All this is happening, because the feeling of loss is still lingering in your heart I advise that you become strong from within. A strong heart will help you to control your emotions. I know that losing your parents is very overwhelming, but you have to understand that life still goes on. Try some meditation to calm you down. Yoga and specific deep breathing techniques and asanas will help you to combat your stress. You also have the prescription drugs to help you. Think about your future. You need to feel a sense of responsibility, and determination. Find a project that engages you and keeps you busy. Your sister will feel relieved to have some one positive around her.