Love lost:

There was a boy who loved me, but I ditched him. Now I think that I like him but I can’t tell him because I don’t know how he feels about me now. I also hear stories and news about his relationships with my classmate. I don’t know whether those are true or not, and I don’t know what I should do. Please help me. — Regretting

Dear Regretting,

Before you say anything to him you must be sure about your own feelings. Liking a boy is different to being in love with a boy. Are you confusing your jealousy over the loss of his romantic attention for love? When a person who was besotted with you once upon a time, moves on and suddenly become ‘hard to get’ or ‘successful’, it can generate mixed feelings — primarily jealousy and a feeling of ‘maybe I missed out on something’. You need to ask yourself if you really liked this boy before he was with your classmate. And if not, then why now? If you decide that your feelings for him are real and independent from his new relationship, then you should go for what will make you happy. Tell him what you feel and start anew. Good luck!

Life’s not a joke:

I am a student of ISC 1st year in Kathmandu University. Whenever I am alone, I feel very strongly that I need to do something about and for my future. I also feel that I need to have a good career and all that. But the moment my friends come over, all my thoughts of a better future and high ambitions fly out of the window. My high thoughts all get lost in the laughter and the jokes. I don’t really care about all my great ambitions and also begin to think that life is after all just a joke. This is a big problem of my life which has been creating obstacles in my studies. I need help desperately. Please help me deal with it. — Nishan 

Dear Nishan,

Its completely normal and very common for first-year university students to feel this way — on the one hand you are starting to study for a career, and on the other hand this is also a time for you to make and foster friendships that will hopefully last a lifetime. Please remember that friends can break you or make you, and that the company you keep is a good indication of who you are and what you will become. So, learn to keep your ambitions for the future in a secure mental space. You need to believe in your own ambitions, and remember that fantasising about your future is not enough. You need to budget your time judiciously. Study hours need to be upheld and if friends barge in, learn to say that you are busy. Though this may be difficult initially, let me assure you that with a little bit of firmness, they will get the message. Make sure you find a positive balance between studying and socialising.

Got any problems regarding your personal life, career or academics and want answers to?Mail Sangeeta Thapa at features@thehimalayantimes.com