Talk to me : Listen to all sides of a story

Widower with daughter

Two years ago, I meet a man and we became intimate friends. Six months after meeting, he proposed. We used to go out on dates once a month, and talked almost continuously over the phone. We were going to get married this Mangsir. One month ago, he told me that he was a widower and has a daughter too. I was devastated. After this incident we lost contact. It’s been a month since I lost touch with him. I love him. But he doesn’t even call me up. I am confused and am not even sure whether he loves me or not? How does he take our relationship? Should I accept him or avoid him? What should I do? Please give me suggestion. — Confused Girl

Dear Confused Girl,

This is a difficult decision. Do you really still want to marry him or do you just miss him? You have to decide for yourself if you want to live with the social stigma of marrying a widower, and if you are willing to take on an additional responsibility of his child. Remember that he lied to you. However, you must consider that he may have been scared to reveal his personal situation to you. Your reaction to the truth may have devastated him too. Nonetheless, he owes you an apology and an explanation before you make any decisions. Make yourself the priority in this situation. You can only go ahead with this relationship if you have room in your heart to love him and his child.

Abnormal growths

I am 25 and consider myself cute. However, I suffer from a physical abnormality that has plagued me so much that it has become a hindrance to my career and love life. I even feel very shy to talk about it here, but I have to. Both my forefingers have small abnormal growths. These growths have made my fingers to swell in the middle making them look very ugly. And because of my physical disability my so-called girlfriend also broke up with me. I want to know are there any medical treatments, surgeries to right this problem. Is ‘plastic surgery’ a solution? Please help me out. I cannot tolerate this cursed life anymore. — SaTam

Dear SaTam,

Please go to see good skin doctor. Plastic surgery is only a good option if it really makes a difference to your self esteem and happiness. However, you should not feel pressured into changing your body just because of shallow judgmental people around you. You will surely be able to find someone who loves you for the way you are.

Talking to self

I am a 20-year-old girl. My problem is that I keep talking to myself. It happens not only when I’m alone but also when somebody is around. Could you suggest a solution as to how I can kick this habit? Is my habit some kind of a psychological disease? — ANT

Dear ANT,

Many people talk to themselves. Sometimes, it is a just cognitive process that arises from the need to prevent oneself from forgetting certain things. You could try writing a detailed journal and jot down a “to do” list, maybe this will help. Also think about “who” you are talking to, is it yourself or another person? What kind of things do you say? Maybe it will help if you have a friend that you can confide in.

Friends or lovers

I am a boy and have a best friend who is a girl. Earlier all our friends used to say we had something going on between us, but we didn’t care a bit. After a couple of months we had a fight. Then I started hanging out with another girl. However, my best friend and me, we patched things up between us. But she told me that she felt jealous when I talked with this other girl. I also feel jealous when she talks with other boys. I am confused — do I love her or is it just friendship? Nowadays I cannot concentrate on my studies. I just think about her. Please give me suggestions. — Arpan Lama

Dear Arpan,

This is a common situation, very confusing when lines start to blur between friendship and romance. It is possible to be jealous of your friend in a platonic way, maybe you just miss the attention from her. You must decide for yourself how you want this relationship to go. Make time to meet her and tell her what you what you really feel. There is always a chance that she feels the same. If she turns you down, will their still be a possibility to go back to being just friends? It is your decision.

Without friends

I am studying in Grade XI. I had friends in school but all of them just used me for their own selfish purposes. Later they always made one reason or the other and fought with me. This disturbed my studies a lot. Now I am unable to concentrate. I am in college right now and have no friends at all. What shall I do? — Ganga

Dear Ganga,

Your highschool “friends” obviously did not care about you. College is a time when people are growing up and have more mature friendships. This can be attributed to stronger sense of “self” as insecurities fade away, which is what your high school friends were clearly lacking and let it out on you. It is ok to start trusting people. Making friends will make your college experience that much better, also your concentration will improve when you are happier.