TALK TO ME: Maybe all you need is TLC (tender, loving care)

Love’s knots

I am 19-year-old boy. I have been in love with a girl for two years, but I don’t know whether she loves me. I feel that she likes me but I don’t know for sure. We used to study in same college, in fact we were in the same class. We are in touch and we meet frequently but then I am scared to tell her my feelings. This Sunday is her birthday and I have decided to express my feelings for her. Should I propose? Will it be the right time?

— Max

Dear Max,

I know it’s exciting to be in love but in this case I urge you to hold on. Do not surprise this girl by proposing to her at the birthday party. Make time to tell her about your feelings at a more private moment. Trust me, the golden rule is to propose to a girl who reciprocates your feelings.

Suffering from ADS?

I am a 19-year-old guy and till date I have not been able to prioritise things. Its not that I don’t realise my aim in life. I follow follow for a while and then when it gets monotonous I stop. I am a science student and I have to appear for my board exams this year but I haven’t started studying. I am not even aware of the syllabus. It’s not that I am a weak in studies, just lazy. What I lack is effort and enthusiasm in studies. My girlfriend even tried to leave me so that I could concentrate on my studies. I spend lots of money on tuitions but never do the assignments, and spend most of my time watching television, surfing the net and visiting gym. My parents are fed up with me and are very worried about my future. What I lack in my life is ambition. How should I pep up?


Dear Buddhism 96,

You claim that you are not weak in your studies, so try and be intelligent about being focussed

and redefine what your aim in life really is. Sit with your parents or girlfriend and discuss options or seek professional career counselling. Get yourself checked up for Attention Deficiency Syndrome. It is important to be inspired by future goals. Don’t you think that it is time you stopped behaving like an overgrown baby! I suspect you enjoy having your loved

ones clucking and fussing over you.

Are you waiting for your parents or girlfriend to get your exam syllabus for you? Are you waiting for them to put your books in your hands so that you will start studying? Unfortunately for you, they cannot sit for your exams. Your parents have already paid lots of money for your tuitions and those tuitions were organised to help you, so if you don’t complete your assignments, the whole purpose is defeated. Make sure that you powers of reasoning are not weak and that you understand the gravity of your impending exams.

At the end of my tether

I am quite puzzled about myself. I feel frustrated and depressed with life and I do not know what to do? I feel confused, insecure and lonely and when others talk I feel as if they are talking about me. My friends also tease me saying that I have become different. I feel suicidal. I don’t know what to do. Please help me!

— Nancy

Dear Nancy,

Take time out to try and analyse why and what has triggered your frustration and depression. Talk to your family about what you are going through and tell them you are feeling suicidal. Perhaps what you need is some TLC — tender loving care. If the family cannot provide you with the emotional and mental support you were expecting, tell them you wish to see a psychiatrist. If your family is the source of your depression, talk to your close friends. Do not spend time alone, remember everyone is really busy with their lives, to sit back and just talk about you. Please understand one universal truth about life — everyone is different. We are not standardised processed sausages and destined to look, feel and taste the same.

Caste barrier

I am a girl of 18 and have just completed my twelfth grade. I really love my parents and

have a great determination to achieve my aim in my life. But I have fallen in love with a guy from my college and we’ve been dating secretly for one year now and I really feel horrible lying to my parents about him. My boyfriend has been a great influence on me and he has helped me in realising my goals. But I still feel I am deceiving my parents. I cannot tell them about him because I am sure they won’t understand me and consider me immature to choose someone as my life partner. To add to that, we are from different castes and I am frustrated due to this and unable to think about my future. I can’t leave my love nor do I want to hurt my parents by going against them. What do I do? Whom do I choose?

— Yours sincerely

Dear Sincere One,

What a quandary you have got yourself into! I agree it is not a good feeling, deceiving your parents. At age 18, you are far too young to decide for certain that your present boyfriend is the man you will end up marrying. If you do not want this relationship to hang like an albatross around your neck and trouble you, you will have to make some quick decisions about what you REALLY want .If you are 100 per cent sure that your present boyfriend is the man you want to marry, you have to be brave enough to stand by your man and face the obstacles. However, if the caste issue will determine the course of your actions, it is not fair to keep this man hanging on.

Name game

I am a 22-year-old guy and my name is Poonam. I know it sounds weird but then this is giving me a lot of problems. I know my name sounds like that of a girl but then my mistake was that I did not change my name when I had to. My name has been hampering my success.

This is really annoying and I hate my name for that. I don’t have a choice but then I am hopeful you will come up with some solution.

— Poonam Gurung

Dear Poonam,

Sometimes parents do saddle their children with ridiculous names without understanding the psychological ramifications that some names can carry. However if one looks at this, in the cultural context, there are many names in Nepal, which are unisex like Jyoti, Jaya, Kamal and so on. Considering that you are already 22 years old, don’t you think people have already accepted you for what are? However, if you feel that your name is truly hampering your success, go head and change your name but be prepared for the legal hassles you will encounter along the way.