TALK TO ME : Self pity is anti-grace

Are you there?

I’m 18 and have had a girlfriend two years ago who went to Delhi for medical treatment and

has not been in touch since. Is she dead? Or is she neglecting my feelings? Can you please tell me how I can find her?

— Pranesh, Baluwatar

Dear Pranesh,

You have been torturing yourself over the last two years. Where is this girlfriend? As you can’t

comb the hospitals of India, one thing is for sure, she must have a family and friends. Why don’t you use this grapaevine and contact them to find out where she is and how she is. The information that you are able to access should guide your next steps.


I m a 19-year-old. I was never friends with girls before but it was in college that I met a girl, we became close friends, she was a very caring and helpful friend for that one and I was treated specially by her. I had started to fall in love with her but so was one of my friends and now they are seeing each other, the special treatment is not there anymore instead I think she is trying to make me jealous though I am hurt I know. We used to speak yet and write mails to each other and now I feel awkward to talk to her and she has also asked me the reason for it but I cannot give her the reason, well how could I? I could never even express my feelings to her! One thing is clear, it is hard to forget her, please help!

— Obsessed

Dear 19-year-old,

This girl is your first crush in college, where are you mingling with members of the opposite sex for the very first time.You feel that you are in love with her because she gave you the time. This is probably a new experience for you, as you have mentioned that you have “never been friends with girls before”. Furthermore this girl was helpful, caring and you felt you were special. However she is now your friend’s girlfriend. Does your friend know how you feel about this girl? The intimacy you enjoyed by just simply talking to her or writing to her is awkward now. If you feel sensitive and vulnerable when you see your friend and this girl together, avoid their company for some time. You have sensed that the special treatment is not there anymore for you. Why are you hanging around? Move on and don’t wait for handouts. I see no reason why she expects you to still write to her. Are you her fan club? Remember that song “Quit playing games with my heart”...Cherish the good times you had together but don’t get ensnared in her games and lose your friendship with your friend.

Weight in the way

Hi! I am a 19-year-old boy and obese, I am in love with a girl and cannot propose to her, is it because I feel insecure about my weight?

— Ram, Lalitpur

Dear Ram,

Have you ever thought that someone really thin could be in the same dilemma as you? Should anyone be held back from proposing because of the personal perception of one’s physical size? Has this girl given you any encouragement whereby you feel that the time is ripe for you to propose to her? If this is the case, your weight is NOT the issue here. She has accepted your bulk and loves you for your personality. However if this girl has really given you no indication of her love for you, how about using your time to work out in the gym. Excessive weight can lead to all sorts of health problems. Furthermore, a more slimmer and trimmer you could change your future equations with the opposite sex.

A thousand suns

She and I work in an same office. Being a colleague, she smiles at me quite often, little knowing that her smile is brighter than a thousand suns and it makes my heart flip over with pure joy. One look at her is enough to make my day, however turbulent and torn I have been inside of me before I saw her. I am in love with her. But as much as I feel blessed by the gift of her, I think that I am the one who’d gain by a relationship with her if she agrees to befriend me. For what can I give to so perfect a being? This is what stops me from telling her what she means to me because I think I also want to be loved by her in my turn. Can you advise me as to what I can do to take her heart away?

— BJ Himal, Okhaldhunga

Dear Mr Himal

Ah the euphoria of being in love...can you come down from the planet of raptures and take a reality check. Isn’t it presumptuous on your part to “feel blessed by the gift of her presence”, when she hasn’t even befriended you yet. How can you be sure this is the woman of your dreams if you have only have sunshine smiles to bank on. Taking someone’s heart away and keeping it forever is serious stuff. Smiling and beaming at each other in the workplace is NOT sufficient. Do not surprise her by suddenly declaring your undying love for her, in a quiet corner of the office. Some degree of verbal communications between the two of you is imperative. How about starting with a simple “Namaste”. Learn to make some mundane chit chat with her. Get to know her as a colleague then court her as the woman in your life. Once you do this, you can decide if your dream girl matches your expectations and reciprocates your feeling.