Talk to me : Sometimes it’s wiser to let go

In love with drug addict

I was 16 when I fell in love with him. We were happy together. Then my parents sent me to India for my undergraduate studies. I left reluctantly and returned after 16 months only to find that my love had a different thing going on for him — drugs. By then I’d even convinced my parents to accept our relationship. I begged him to quit. When he asked me what he should do, I told him to join a rehabilitation centre, and he did so. He came back after six months. I was so happy that he had been able to kick his addiction. But I was wrong. After some weeks, he started doing drugs again. I tried a lot but he did not stop. He is totally addicted. I blame myself for his situation. What more can I do to help him? — Bhoomi

Dear Bhoomi,

You have done everything that you can do for your boyfriend. No matter how difficult it it is for you to accept this — you cannot spend the rest of your life worrying and looking after a man with a chronic substance-abuse problem. Make sure his parents understand their responsibilities. Stop blaming yourself. Learn to let go and move on.

In love with teacher

I am 19, a goodlooking and smart girl. I have not had a boyfriend till now. I am doing my Bachelor’s form one of the best colleges in Kathmandu and have fallen in love with my teacher. He is young — just 25, and he is very smart and intelligent. I have told my friends about my feelings for him, but they’ve suggested that I keep my mouth tightly shut. However, I am certain of one thing — I will not be able continue with my studies if I am made to keep quiet. I am sure he will say yes if I propose. Please help me. — Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

Your smart, intelligent 25-year-old teacher can lose his job and be put in a very awkward situation if he has an affair with his student. Be careful. Remember that you are enrolled in one of the best colleges in Kathmandu to get a prestigious degree and NOT to seduce your teacher.

Not capable as lover

I am 16 and for reasons I am not aware of girls do not find me attractive and no one is in love with me. A few years ago, I fell for a classmate and proposed. She rejected me outright saying that I was not a “capable” person to love her or any girl for that matter. What should I do to be a “capable” person to love girls? — Sabu

Dear Sabu,

It looks like you have taken the careless and unkind words of your classmate to heart. It is important that you delete her words from your memory. You are just 16 and it is not the end of the world. Next time round, please note that it is important to propose to a girl who reciprocates your feelings too.

Hollywood dreams

A friend of mine is in love with a Hollywood actress. I’ve tried to discourage him saying that it is just a dream that will never come true, but he only laughs. “She is my aim,” he has said. I thought that he would get over this craziness and left him alone. That was six months ago. When I entered his room recently, he was talking to the posters on the walls saying: “I will get you. I love you...” He has not gone crazy as he is perfectly normal regarding other relationships. And the most amazing part is he stood first in class. Had it been ‘the girl next door’, I would have helped him, but a Hollywood celebrity is impossible. I’ve introduced him  to my friends, especially girls, and even took him to Nagarkot, but nothing has worked. His obsession troubles me a lot. What should I do? I know hat I am his only hope. No one knows these things about him besides me. — Pawan

Dear Pawan,

Your friend sounds perfectly normal to me. Many boys and girls fantasise about their idols, yes, even about Hollywood, Bollywood stars, rock stars, sport champions and pin up girls. It’s about looking up to an icon. Just remember your friend will snap out of this sooner or later.

Not beautiful enough

I am not as beautiful as the other girls. I am not fashionable and perhaps that’s the reason why my friends don’t like me. I am always polite to them, but they are rude. I don’t have boyfriends — guys only pretend that they like talking to me. No one cares for me and there is no one to turn to whenever I am in trouble. My friends don’t like to involve me in anything. They think I am not interesting at all, that I am still a child and always discourage me. I  am much worried because I think that perhaps this is the reason I have not received any marriage proposals though I may soon cross the “marriageable age”. I also do not like my job. Because of these reasons, I have low confidence and am afraid larger problems lie in front. What should I do? — Rain

Dear Rain

Before you drown in your own puddles of insecurity you need to reassess your situation and figure out what you want. Being beautiful and fashionable is not everything. You have other qualities that go along way like being polite is one of them. Just remember that it is important to have a positive approach to life. This comes with emotion and professional security. If you are unhappy with the work you do, change jobs and do something you want to do. If your so-called friends do not include you in their plans because they think you a “child”, why is it that you are spending sleeplessness nights about crossing the marriageable age? Relax, learn to enjoy yourself and remember whatever is to be, will be.