The emotion has a vibrant biology
Our identities as male and female are cultural distinctions - not purely, or merely, anatomical interpretations. Any great relationship needs to be 'personalised' with some element of natural design, including an attached sense of detachment. The objective is apparent - to find that 'space' within and outside of us.
KATHMANDU, SEPTEMBER 19
" Forever it was, and ever shall befall. That Love is he that alle thing may bynde," wrote Geoffrey Chaucer with his marvellous mediaeval twang. You'd doff your hat for that, although there's nothing cryptic about it. Because, love in popular lingo is something that just happens to us.
Love, as the philosopher J Krishnamurti articulated, is, "More than an activity, the only light." Or, as Patricia Taylor, PhD, a relationship researcher and author of "The Enchantment of Opposites", puts it, love encompasses attachment where people are actively and continually creating their experiences. They are, she adds, thinking of themselves and their partners as refreshing, charming, interesting and loveable persons to be with. This explains why there are multiple definitions of the word and why they all co-exist - in complete harmony.
Just ask anyone to reflect, or deliberate, on what qualities they are looking for in a great relationship, and you will be flooded with a host of commonplace answers, viz., understanding, spontaneity, more than just conjugal bliss, or meeting of the minds. Or, as the Austrian dramatist Friedrich Halm put it so beautifully, "Two souls with but a single thought,/Two hearts that beat as one," that are working together on common goals and dreams, being both teacher and guide, and having a pedagogue, or pathfinder, mutual cheering club, soul mate, and a happy family life - the list is long.
Yet, the point is - most of the elements cited focus on qualities themselves of every relationship. Some are goals; some are roles. They are, all the same, articles people entreat in a great love relationship. Yet, one thing is important - the reasons for relationships change over time, although great relationships don't contradict individual rules. Because, it does not matter whether we are really biologically different, right? Maybe, yes.
Our identities as male and female are cultural distinctions - not purely, or merely, anatomical interpretations. Any great relationship needs to be 'personalised' with some element of natural design, including an attached sense of detachment. The objective is apparent - to find that 'space' within and outside of us. Of how willing you are to start - or, foster - creating the relationship you want. Or, how inclined you are to become the type of person who is deeply desired. Or, of what actions you can take now to start making yourself, and your partner, more alluring.
The philosopher Plato held the perspective of 'eros' as being a common yearning - one that strives for sublime beauty. You may think of its essence, or the individual, as having a precise beauty, or true beauty, that exists in forms, or ideas ("He who loves the beautiful is called a lover because he partakes of it").
This exemplifies the fact that the love we engender for beauty on planet earth can never be truthfully gratified until we pass away, albeit we'd, in the interim, aim beyond the exacting, or inspiring, image that is in contrast to us - for the deliberation of beauty per se. This implies, in the Platonic context, ideal beauty - one that may be mirrored in a particular image of the beauty we have explored.
'Philia', in Platonic parlance, likewise, involves a liking, also approval, of the other. It corresponds not just to friendship, but also allegiances to family, political loyalties, occupation or profession. Next - you are confronted by 'agape', the paternalistic love of god for human beings and vice versa that could encompass brotherly love for all humankind. 'Agape' draws, perhaps, on the essentials from 'eros' and 'philia' - a picture-perfect form of love that includes fondness, a surpassing of the exact, and yet minus the compulsion for reciprocating in return.
The Greek playwright Aristophanes extolled that love is the quest for our 'alter ago' - one that makes us whole again. The philosopher Socrates often thought that we don't yearn for the half, or the whole, unless it is good, because the motivational force in love is a longing for goodness and not just completion.
Plato's first definition of love, likewise, emphasised the fact that "Love is desire for the perpetual possession of the good." It articulates the credo that the relationship that love has to the divine, the eternal and infinite, is akin to our 'connect' for happiness and the full contemplation of truth.
Add to this the essence of science, and you have a rainbow synthesis - a fusion of philosophy and modern science. As research scientists, C Sue Carter and Stephen W Porges highlight the science of love in their paper, "The Biochemistry of Love: An Oxytocin Hypothesis" (Embo), "Love is deeply biological. It pervades every aspect of our lives and has inspired countless works of art. Love also has a profound effect on our mental and physical state. A 'broken heart,' or a failed relationship can have disastrous effects; bereavement disrupts human physiology and might even precipitate death. Without loving relationships, humans fail to flourish, even if all of their other basic needs are met."
They add, "As such, love is clearly not 'just' an emotion, it is a biological process that is both dynamic and bidirectional in several dimensions. Social interactions between individuals, for example, trigger cognitive and physiological processes that influence emotional and mental states. In turn, these changes influence future social interactions."
Great relationships, as the Italian philosopher Marsilio Ficino extolled, evolve in the mind, just as strings respond to strings that are similarly tuned, and one lyre resounds in answer to another, or a solid wall would echo to the one who calls. This denotes life as a relationship with love - the most vibrant, sublime, mystical and beautiful of all essentials as also humanity's most profound, fundamental principle.
