It was often followed by, “He’s a charmer.” “A charmer.” Do I want to be remembered that way? It sounds phony, fake, and someone you shouldn’t trust. Okay, so this whole thing was worse than I realised. Then I thought it would help if I learned about how my friends saw other people. I began by asking questions about family members who were no longer with us. “Uncle Joe was a great guy!” Okay, “great guy” sounds good. “Grandpa was tough, not a very warm guy, but you knew you were loved.”

“Tough, not very warm,” doesn’t appeal to me. So I turned to what my own grandfather referred to as the “list of people who no longer need to pay taxes.” The obituaries. “Loved by all.” “A good father.” “A community leader.” “…will be greatly missed.” These were all nice things, but used repeatedly to the point that one could apply them much too generally.

I guess it was all this nostalgia and remembering that finally brought me to the place where I’d find the answer I was seeking. I was driving through a small town where I grew up and saw the sign for a restaurant I had often gone to with my children. I had a few extra minutes, so I pulled over. The place was crowded as it always was. I looked around and saw there had been some changes. I sat down and was immediately approached by a server. “Coffee?” Sure.” “Do you need time to look at the menu?” she asked. I always ordered the same thing, but thought I’d give it a glance. — Beliefnet.com