Even without college tuitions to consider, my work had been filling half the family coffers for nearly a decade. In addition to the financial fears, the big, bad, blue mood that hit me brought with it an alarming revelation — I didn’t know who I was without a regular job. I felt like nobody.

The loneliest part of this time was how far away from God I felt. In my long, arduous faith journey, I had just begun to feel that I truly mattered to God. But when the regular paycheck disappeared, I got a stark look at the flaws in my faith, which, it turned out, was fraught with distrust.

For the past fifteen years I had immersed myself in an eclectic spirituality. I belonged to a peer-support group whose core belief is that sanity and health come from turning our wills and our lives over to the care of God as we each understand God — totally and regularly.

My life had gotten infinitely calmer as I lived by this notion. But it was far easier to follow when I had a good job. Jobless, I had not only a fear of poverty, but fear of never having a clear role in the world.

I believe very strongly that every single person on this earth is here for a purpose. But in the depths of my mid-life identity crisis, I couldn’t begin to understand what mine was. This is a little bit embarrassing to admit, because it sounds so grandiose, but the truth is, I have always felt that God had a special purpose that he meant me to undertake, something that would leave a legacy for the entire

humanity. — Beliefnet.com