And then I wondered, well, what is the truth, exactly? Do I really believe they’re not supposed to make you happy? And when we long for a lasting relationship, what happens to the second noble truth? Why do we forget that craving creates suffering?

When my husband and I first started to talk about getting married, we covered lots of topics: who would marry us, who to invite, what to wear, whether or not we would be able to convince our favourite Cajun band to learn “Hava Nagila.” (We were. Shout out to Steve Riley and the Mamou Playboys.)Then the most important question came up: what would we say to each other to mark this commitment? What were our intentions and which words expressed them best? We spent time reading various liturgies, Buddhist and otherwise, and talking about what we liked and disliked about other people’s weddings. As we read the words that other couples had spoken to each other, I became increasingly uncomfortable. Most of them ended with “I do.” I do. What?

Marriage is a commitment to share love, have sex, and try to stay together with this one person, right? Well maybe, but I couldn’t promise to do these things. I knew I couldn’t say, “I do” to love — feelings change, and keep changing. I also knew I couldn’t say yes to wanting to have sex with him for the rest of my life - desire is unpredictable. And ask him to commit to me? Which me? I couldn’t commit to remaining the same me. — Beliefnet.com